No Need for Halkeginian Logic
by Midnakdak
Summary: Whether heroic or villainous, the Dragonborn we all play is a guy who steals when he can get away with it, helps out daedric lords of domination just cause, robs the tombs of the honored dead, and then proceeds to play tag with children and help out his local temple of the goddess of love. This is the story of one such insane individual summoned by Louise Valliere. Crack fic.
1. Chapter 1: Zero Attention Span

So these are humor snippits I did from time to time on an idea thread. I thought I might compile them for your enjoyment.

**Chapter 1: Zero Attention Span**

A Duel?! A DUEL!? Louise was flabbergasted for at least the thirteenth time since she had summoned her odd familiar.

Oh sure, the familiar had _seemed_ impressive upon summoning. Blonde hair, blue eyes, incredibly fit and wearing a regal looking set of silver trimmed, ebony black armor. He _emanated _heroism. Not one of her usual tormentors had dared mock her in the presence of such an impressive warrior. The binding ritual had been pulled off without a hitch and the class was leaving when the first warning sign appeared. Rather than speak up, her familiar pulled out a small notebook, squatted down, and began writing in it. To see such an imposing figure just hunch over and scribble out a few notes, it was odd, but Louise had blown it off at the time.

Since then this familiar had become weirder and weirder. First he had asked nearly every imaginable question about Tristain and Helgenkia; it was like he knew nothing of Helgenkia at all. Then when she had given him her dirty clothing and asked for clean ones, she found improperly sized clothing waiting for her the next morning. Its like he just snuck into one of the other girls' rooms and grabbed their clothing rather than wash them. After that he passed breakfast by, saying he had no injuries. Later still, she found him talking to a maid. Louise had been about to call the strange familiar over when he hunched down, wrote something in that notebook, and began to _serve_ the dessert trays to the students. That was about when the last of his heroic aura finally disappeared. Here was this knightly looking warrior, in full armor, handing out tiny little cakes like a dainty maid.

It must have been that lost respect that made it so easy for Guiche to challenge the man after some mix-up with lovers. Guiche had challenged him to a duel in front of everyone, which her familiar almost happily accepted before hunching down and writing in his notebook, allowing Guiche time to look confused and then huff and walk off to the Vestri Court.

People began to murmur about the exciting scene, finally breaking the tension and snapping Louise out of her frozen state. Hurrying over to her familiar, she reached him just as he finished writing in his notebook. "Familiar! How could you accept a duel! You have to go apologize right now!"

Her familiar looked down with a curious glance. "Are you worried about me or him?" The man asked, picking up the desert tray he had set aside.

Louise blushed, not liking either implication. "I-I'm not worried about either of you... But Guiche is a mage! No matter how good a warrior you are, you'll lose for sure!"

The guffaw from the man shocked Louise. She wasn't sure whether to be mad about being dismissed, or surprised the man had no fear of magic. "Trust me, if a kid like that could take me down, I really would deserve to die. I'll go fight him, then win easily. You can just sit there and root me on." There it was again, that heroic aura. That calm, confident smile. The deep authoritative voice. That hidden steel one could always feel around her mother. This man was powerful, there was no doubt about it.

_'Clink'_ "Here is your dessert." That deep authoritative voice said as her heroic familiar set out another dessert.

"Huh?" Louise mumbled. Why was her familiar not going off to the duel? Why had he set about with the desserts again. It took a beat before Louise could compose her thoughts. "Um... Familiar? Why aren't you going to the duel?" Could those words have been false, was he going to hide here? No way, that steel couldn't be faked.

As if _she_ were the one acting oddly, her familiar piqued and eyebrow and said, "Of course, I'll probably go there tomorrow around noon. I want to finish up a few minor quests today first."

There was a deep silence as everyone fell silent. Apparently the other students had been listening in. At least Louise knew it wasn't _she_ who was crazy. "And what quests are these?" Louise barely got out.

Putting down the last dessert tray, her familiar pulled out his notebook at wrote something in before flipping a few pages. "Lets see, the cook needs me to clear out the larder of a possible rat infestation, the garden needs tending to and firewood need chopping."

If anything, everyone fell even _more_ silent. "I'm going to ignore the fact that your so called quests seem to be the servants asking for help with chores and get right to the fact that if you do all that, Guiche will think you forfeited and leave."

The surprise on her familiar's face made it seem like she just told him he was in another world or something. "Wait, why would he do that? Its common courtesy that when you set a meeting with someone you go there every day at the decided on time until you both meet up."

...Wat?

That was it... Louise had reached her crazy limit. Tomorrow, maybe she could sit and talk with her familiar. But right now, she was in no mood for any more insanity. "Nevermind, come on." Grabbing his gauntlet, she led her confused familiar over to the Vistri Court. "There Guiche, beat him up, then... then... just beat him okay?" Louise sighed... Maybe if she kept her cool she could keep rumors of her familiars insanity from spreading.

"Oh ho? Needed your master? Were you planning on running?" Guiche taunted from across the courtyard.

Completely disregarding the taunt, Louise's familiar asked with honest curiosity, "Tell me, if I hadn't shown up today, would you have thought I was forfeiting?" Oh please, don't spill out more crazy.

It was Guiche's turn to be the latest to sport a confused look. "Of course I would, what kind of question is that?"

"Fascinating." Louise's familiar mumbled. "Well then, I guess we better hurry and fight before you think I forfeited." The man then checked the position of the sun as if actually worried that too much time had passed while they talked.

The crowd that had formed backed up, sensing a fight, or just maybe backing away from someone not quite right. Guiche regained his composure to spout one of his speeches. "I am Guiche the Bronze." Flicking the rose he held, a petal landed on the ground. A brief flash of light later and a bronze valkyrie stood, ready to fight. "I bloom for all women and would hate to cause Miss Valliere to cry. Why don't you just surrender?"

Her familiar crossed his arms and shook his head, smiling as he did. "I'll pass on that." Again, that heroic aura returned. Yes, maybe with this Louise could hide his insanity before the other students fully caught on.

Guiche smirked, ready to win in front of his peers. "Go! My bronze Valkyrie!"

The bronze golem raced across the courtyard with lightning speed toward her familiar. "Fuuuus..." Her familiar breathed in, making an odd sound as he did. The valkyrie was almost upon him, yet he made no move to dodge. What could he be planning? Wait, maybe he was just insane...

Louise had no time to regret letting her familiar fight as the Valkyrie made to strike her familiar down. However, it was a blow that would never land.

"RO DAH!" Louise's familiar _shouted_ with thunderous force, literally launching the golem backward and Guiche along with it. Both flew nearly twenty feet before coming to a halt; one unconscious and another a lump of unpowered bronze. The silence that followed was only broken when her familiar turned and walked away. "Now lets go see about that garden."


	2. Chapter 2: Daedra are Useful

**Chapter 2: Daedra are Useful**

"I can't decide whether you are just insane, or actually from this land of crazy people. Skyrim, was it?" Louise spoke to the broad armored man as she changed behind into her nightgown. Normally, she would never change herself in the presence of a commoner. However, according to her familiar he was some low form of nobility, a Thane, apparently like a Cavalier. That made the decision to keep the possibly crazy man out of arms reach very easy to make.

Her familiar swallowed before replying. "I really _am_ from Skyrim, it is home to Nords like myself. And Nords aren't crazy, it is your customs that are backward. Really, if you don't set a date, then by default the meeting is on all dates." He moved to take another bite of... was that a weed?

"If you aren't crazy, and Nords aren't crazy, then why are you eating a weed when as you put it this morning, 'I have no injuries,' well?" Fight fire with fire they say, or in this case crazy with crazy.

The patronizing look that plastered her familiar's face nearly got a rise out of Louise. "I got these while gardening and I thought I might as well get better at alchemy, I doubt they would sell well."

Twice in one day, yup, crazy limit reached. "I'm going to bed."

* * *

Miss Longueville drifted gracefully toward the school's vault. If anyone asked, she was merely checking for wayward students. Her real intention was a tad bit more sinister. Fouquet the Crumbling Earth they called her; the great thief of everything the nobility treasured. This next heist would be the most difficult yet, but the payoff would be worth it. Plus, the challenge of a good heist was nearly its own reward.

The doors to the vault were magnificent. So many interlocking enchantments she doubted even were she square class she would still be unable to transmute the doors or walls around it. That left getting legitimate access, which wasn't going to happen, or physical force. Giant golem it is. Now, when would be the proper time, when guards wouldn't pursue her. Ah! The princess would be attending the familiar contest, no guard would leave her side should a commotion break out. Plus, a broad daylight heist had a certain flair to it.

"Why hello." Fouquet's heart nearly jumped out of her chest at the sound of a voice so close to her. Turning quickly, she found a man in dark plate armor standing there. A guard! No wait... that was the familiar the Valliere had summoned. If the rumors were to believed he was either very powerful, very insane, or both.

Mentally, Fouquet fought to regain her composure. There was no way did this man knew anything. "Good evening. My you surprised me. I didn't think it was possible to move so quietly in armor like that." The thief looked the man up and down, wondering what type of enchantment was woven into that armor.

Fouquet measured the man, trying to figure out if he knew anything. The knowing smirk that formed on his face did not assuage her fears. "Yeah, Daedra can be useful." Daedra? Was that some kind of material or enchantment?

Deciding to move the game a bit more offensively, Fouquet risked tipping her hand. "If you are out and about at this time of night, you must be having trouble sleeping, I could give you a tour if you want. The school has many interesting places, like this vault for instance. Even the palace stores their valuables here."

Fouquet's eyes narrowed, looking for any hint of recognition when she mentioned the vault. Thankfully, the man seemed genuinely interested at the mention of the vault. That meant he didn't know where he was, so he couldn't be following her. "A vault you say?" He asked, looking up at the massive doors. "Quite impressive."

Taking her cue, Fouquet moved into Longueville the helpful secretary mode and began the job of an innocent tour guide. "Yes, the academy vault has some the oldest, most powerful enchantments and most up to date locks in the whole kingdom. Professors here have a tradition of adding more protection over the course of thier careers and over time it has evolved into a great way for the school to increase income by allowing nobles to pay for storage. It is truly one of the great accomplishments of the school." Fouquet made to move away, only to stop, seeing the man crouch and write something in a notebook. Was, was he taking notes on her tour? That was surprisingly studious him. In a moment, he stood up and Fouquet took the cue to move toward the library.

"It seems like you would need a _skeleton_ key to get in there." The man said as they left. Was that supposed to be some kind of joke?

* * *

Pandemonium.

That was the only thing it could be called. Teachers were frantically scouring the school grounds, students were confined to the dorms and rooms were searched. Fouquet thought war must have broken out. What besides war could send the school into such an uproar?

"Miss Longueville!" The aging voice of Old Osmand called out to her with a urgency she didn't think the old man was capable of. That in and of itself made Fouquet more worried than anything else.

"What happened headmaster?" Fouquet questioned, falling in beside him as Osmand made his way down the corridor.

"Something I didn't think possible. Not in all my years." Osmand sounded as if he still didn't believe it. The corridor they turned down was familiar, this could only lead to... No way.

Fearful, but for a completely different reason than Osmand, Fouquet followed the old man to a place she hoped they weren't going. Sadly, her prayers went unanswered as they came upon a very familiar, very open set of doors.

"The entire school vault has been robbed. Everything is gone." Osamnd whispered out. And there, defiant against all her plans, stood the now empty vault of Tristain's Magical Academy.

Who could have pulled this off? That she, Fouquet, would have had to resort to brute force. The only other person that she'd seen around the vault recently was... No way. There was no way that odd familiar had robbed the entire vault the same night he heard about its existence. No founder be damned way.

*Elsewhere*

The Dragonborn strolled along the courtyard with a slight hop to his step. "Now where can I find a fence?"


	3. Chapter 3: Insanity Spreads

**Chapter 3: Insanity Spreads**

"Finally, there you are familiar." Louise stated, as she found the target of her search.

The man in question had disappeared this morning, no doubt off to finish his quests to slay weeds threatening innocent flowers and rescue dirty dishes from tyrannical tables.

Finding him had proved more than difficult. The commotion caused by the duel with Guiche mixed with his earlier servile manner had caused many conflicting stories to spread around the campus. In trying to find the man, Louise had been asked if her familiar was secretly an elf by half the students and the other half had made off handed remarks about servants not dressing above their station. At least no one had asked if he was crazy. Thank Brimir for that.

Eventually, Louise had tracked the damnable man down to the library to find him casually going down one of the many, many book shelves; pulling one book off, looking at the first page, then replacing it where she found it. He paused only to look at her for a moment, then continued in his task. "Hello Louise. Did you need something of me."

_How about you start making some damn sense?_ Louise held her tongue._ A noble is always composed._ She reminded herself. Taking another in a long line of calming breaths, Louise asked, "Familiar... What are you doing?"

Louise instantly knew she would regret asking. "Oh, just seeing if any of these will help me understand this lands customs." Wait... that didn't sound too odd. If he really wasn't from this land, finding history books would be a, dare she say it, intelligent and rational thing to do. But... There was one problem. "Why are you only reading the first page then?"

Closing another book and replacing it on the shelf, her familiar turned to Louise with that same expression he always did in these situations, one eyebrow raised as if _she_ were the odd one. "Why would I not?"

Calming breath. Nobility. Okay. "If you want to learn from the book, you have to read it through." Perfect. Truly, Louise's patience was second to none.

However, that legendary patience almost snapped when the man belt out a laugh. "I'm just trying to get some information, not relax. Everyone can comprehend everything within a book just by opening it. You only read it when you want to sit back and relax. Like so many do tales of the Argonian Maid." To his credit, the man read Louise baffled expression and put two and two together. "Wait, is this another difference between my land and yours? You mean to tell me you _can't_ comprehend a book without reading it?" In reply, Louise managed a slow nod. "Fascinating..."

If it had been any other situation, any other person, Louise would not have believed an ounce of it. But this was her familiar, her confounding familiar. So, with all the grace of Nobility, she ignored it. "Listen, it is getting late. I'm going to bed. I came to tell you we are leaving for the capital in the morning, so get a good rest."

Louise didn't question the quizzical look her familiar gave her. Knowing it would only lead to another facet of his insane existence. Turning, Louise headed for the girls dormitory. It had been a mentally exhausting day and it was time to sleep it all away. Turning the corner, into the doorway, Louise caught sight of Miss Longueville, reading in the corner. By the stern expression on her face, it must be a very important task, probably related to the vault incident. Louise had no idea Miss Longueville was such a hard worker, staying up late to help with the crisis despite the fact she was only a secretary. Well, good for her.

* * *

Fouquet knew. Oh, she knew all right. This man had robbed the vault. She didn't know how he had gotten into the vault. She didn't know how one man had carried off every artifact from the tiniest ring to the largest stone tablets, but she knew he was the one. Between when she last saw the vault and when it was discovered robbed, no one had left campus, she had checked the enchantments herself; and she knew those enchantments better than anyone, she had spent months adjusting them to not register her.

That meant the whole vault was stored somewhere on campus. He must have piled the treasure in an old passage way, or maybe a hidden door these old fortresses were so well known for; hell, maybe even in an old storage closet. Regardless, this man was the key to finding her treasure.

All she had to do was to wait for him to go to sleep. He'd have to have something incriminating on him. Then she could blackmail him into revealing the location of the treasure. Or maybe even just find the treasure if he was dumb enough to leave a map on himself. Fouquet could only hope.

Fouqet sat there, watching the man peruse the library out of the corner of her eye. She had the patience to out wait this man. He thought he had won, that no one knew. But she knew, Fouquet knew, and Fouquet always got the last laugh. Smiling to herself, Fouquet didn't even realizing she was dozing off as the man continued his monotonous routine through the library. 

* * *

"What?!" Fouquet started awake from her chair. Her eyes immediately scanning her surroundings. Damn, had she fallen asleep? How could she let herself doze off?! She needed to check the enchantments, see if anyone had left campus. She needed to find-

"Well, that's the last one."

Fouquet stopped in her tracks, a faint hope filling her soul. Moving around to the other end of the library, she found her target putting away a book at the very end of the shelves. Had he gone through the entire library? "Did, did you even sleep?" The words left Fouqet's mouth before she could catch herself.

The man turned to her with an odd expression. With one eyebrow perked, he said, "I don't really sleep anymore, too much of a hassle really." Was this man an insanely talented thief, or just insane? Fouquet no longer knew.


	4. Chapter 4: Odd Conversations

**Chapter 4: Odd Conversations**

"A talking sword?" No sooner had Louise's familiar uttered his words of realization than he once again squatted down and began writing; a sure sign that this shopping trip was going to go from bad to worse. Silently, Louise mourned the fact that she had even thought up this idea. Why arm her familiar when he could just blow everything away by shouting at it? Or more likely just drive all enemies into insanity.

The bargain binned sword did not wait for Louise's familiar to finish writing. "What do I look like? A spear?" It lashed out with sarcasm. Sarcasm that went completely over the head of Louise's still writing familiar. "I am the great sword Derflinger! Swordsman without peer have wielded me throughout the ages! I-"

"I'll take it." The sword was cut off as Louise's familiar rose with a start. With practiced ease, the man attached the sword and sheath to his hip, ignoring the cheers of the sentient sword as he did. Inwardly, Louise was grateful the man wanted a cheap sword. Her allowance was not a great amount and even a hundred gold sword was a substantial investment for her limited funds.

Still, she was doing her familiar a favor and he needed to understand that. "Be grateful familiar." Louise stated as she paid the shopkeeper for the sword. "A warrior such as yourself to should be ashamed to be weaponless." Louise began to lecture her familiar as they left the weapon shop. "As my familiar I will bear the burden of rectifying your-"

Tilt.

Oh Founder be damned. Her familiar was once again tilting his head to the side and looking at her with a furrowed brow. "Weaponless? I have plenty of weapons." The man began counting his fingers. "Let's see. I have a two iron great swords, one steel axe, a hunting bow, and several daggers that I haven't sold yet. But that's just the loot I have on me. My main sword is this." He spoke, holding forth a blackened longsword. "It's one of the nightingale blades." It was said that all the best swords were named, and this blade was no exception. Even to Louise's untrained eye, she could tell the dark sheen of the blade belied great craftsmanship.

"Well, hey baby." Derflinger spoke up from the man's hip, its voice dipping deeper.

Louise spared the idea of one sword hitting on another no thought, she was still trying to figure out where the sword in her familiar's hand had come from. Catching the question before it could escape her throat, Louise silently congratulated herself on preemptively protecting her sanity. Instead, she focused on the fact that she had been swindled out of one hundred gold. "Familiar," She ground out, "If you already have plenty of blades, why did you let me buy you another one?"

Tilt. Founder... One more tilt and she was going to lose it. "Well I've decided to start dual wielding. I never end up blocking with my shield much, so I thought why not just use another sword? But none of my crappy loot was any good, so I went along with your quest. Quest rewards are always something special."

The rule of steel. The Rule Of Steel! Louise controlled the boiling annoyance within her and managed to restrain her shout to a piecing hiss. "I've told you this isn't the crazy land of Sky-Rim! I was just buying you a discount sword! Your stupid rules don't apply!"

"And yet I've ended up with a sentient sword with untold hidden powers."

Louise opened her mouth to retort but nothing came out. Wait... He was right. How was that even possible? In her silence, the third member of the trio spoke up. "You have a good eye partner. Under all this rust is the great Derflinger. No sword is my equal. Though... Present company is definitely in a league of her own. Miss Nightingale was it?" The Nightingale Blade made no reply. "Oh... Hard to get eh?"

As Derflinger once again put the moves on the other blade, Louise remained still. There was no way her familiar's craziness was in any way accurate. Could she be going crazy too? Or was his insanity so strong it was infecting Halkeginia as a whole? "Right," the miasma of madness spoke, "lets go fix that rust problem of yours." Then, with a light bob in his step, Louise's familiar led his dumbstruck master toward the ringing of hammer on metal. A blacksmith's crafting tools were needed.

* * *

Could that be his secret? Fouquet watched her rival from the shadows of a nearby alley with intensity. He had produced a blade from nothing. Did he have some sort of ancient relic? Maybe the fabled bag of holding? The idea was fanciful, but this man was an enigma. Nothing could be ruled out. She would shadow him until he showed weakness. Then she would prove that _she_was the greatest thief, not this... buffoon. Now what was he doing? Fouquet eyed the man as he approached a forge. While he was most likely there to get his new sword serviced, but she would take no chances. Every bit of knowledge mattered.

* * *

Outside the forge a young apprentice was working the grindstone. As sparks flew from the sword, the young man offered a smile and greeting to the approaching warrior. A greeting that wasn't returned. Or even registered for that matter. The man just sort of stood next to the apprentice, confusing the poor boy. Then, as the apprentice slowed his work in confusing, the man just edged into the apprentice's seat, slowly shifting the boy out of the way. In complete shock, the boy stood up and let the man use the grindstone.

Mouth hanging open, the apprentice didn't know how to react. This man hadn't even bothered to ask to use the grindstone. He just shoved and sat. His shock at the mans rudeness wore off slowly and the apprentice about to speak up when the man stood once more. That... that wasn't even a minute, there was no way the man could be done! And yet as the apprentice looked to the man's rusty sword, he found only the glistening steel of a masterwork, nay, legendary sword. Awe replaced shock as the man left, a still gobsmacked Louise trailing after him and a flabbergasted apprentice watching them leave.

* * *

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh..." Derflinger let out another in a long line of blissful sighs. He had been letting them out the whole ride back to the academy and continued even as they sat in the courtyard dining area eating dinner. "Partner... I could tell you were a great swordsman, but a master smith as well. I've never felt this good my partner. Who did you train under? Some deity of crafting?"

The man chuckled and Louise rolled her eyes at the sacrilegious statement. "I'm self taught." He spoke, drawing a surprised look from Louise before she once again remembered who and what she was dealing with. Something like that was barely a minimum of madness for him. "I made a few thousand iron daggers and now here I am." Ah, there was the madness. "Even learned how to make armor from dragon bones, but all my materials are back with Lydia. If only I could find some more dragons to slay..."

"Kyuuu!" A frightened squeak drew Louise's attention to a nearby table where Tabitha sat reading. Her familiar, the wind dragon Sylphid, cowered behind her. Noticing her familiar's sorry state, Tabitha closed the book and placed a hand on the frightened familiar's snout, then turned and gave Louise a level gaze.

Before Louise could think to apologize, her familiar acted rationally for once. In a voice one would use to speak to a small child, the man comforted the wind dragon, "Ah! Don't worry young one. I only slay bad, mean dragons." Whether that rationality should be feared or welcomed, Louise was not sure. "Why, one of my best friends is a dragon. His name is Paarthurnax. He'll talk your ears off but he's a good fellow." Talking to dragons, phew. That was crazy enough to be within the status quo. The end times weren't here yet at least.

Despite Louise's relief, Tabitha's eyes widened marginally, then narrowed. Her familiar on the other hand was quick to trot over and tackle the friendly man. Tabitha was up in an instant. Her familiar assaulting a dragon slayer, even a self proclaimed one, was most definitely a bad thing. The windwall spell she had been summoning fell dead on her lips as a guffaw emanated from beneath her dragon.

Sylphid responded with a mighty "Kyuu!"as she licked the friendly man. he smelled so much like another dragon it was like having a a real dragon friend. The only other dragons she had met couldn't even talk, so he was definitely the closest thing she could find to another Rhyme dragon.

Tabitha lowered her staff and watched the scene before her, shooting a brief apologetic look to Louise Valliere. In response, Louise offered only a shrug. She was beginning to become numb to the odd things that happened around her familiar. Best to just wait whatever this was out.

"My! Aren't you excitable. Aren't you forgetting your manners though?" Once again the man talked as if instructing a toddler. Allowing the man to shove her off and stand, Sylphid titled her head. Manners? Realization filled the man. "Oh, you were never taught properly were you?" Pausing for a moment, the man sighed and said, "Old Paarthurnax would be pissed if I didn't help you out. Besides, we Dov have to help each other out." Well, big sis was always trying to get her to do manners, so maybe it would be good to listen.

Meanwhile, Tabitha grew more and more interested in the scene before her. This man connected easily with Sylphid and claimed to know other talking dragons. She had kept Sylphid's identity as a Ryhme dragon secret for her own sake, but she was still making things up as she went along when it came to raising a long extinct sentient dragon. Louise on the other hand, was doing her best to not care about the absurdity of her familiar. It was slowly growing, and he would soon do something truly outrageous. It would be best to remain calm and prepare for whatever that was.

"Hmmm, I guess I am at least older than you maturity wise, so I'll go first." The friendly dragon man spoke to Sylphid. "Now, taste my voice. FUS!" A mighty surge of force collided with Sylphid rattling her scales and lifting her wings as it passed over her. It... It was like a SUPER HUG! With a cry of joy Sylphid charged to return the hug, only to be stopped by a raised hand. "Now it's your turn. Let me taste your voice." Sylphid tilted her head. "Release your Thu'um." He unhelpfully clarified. With a sigh, he spoke once again. "Give me your best shout."

That much Sylphid could understand. Taking a deep breath, she shouted. "**KYYYYYYUUUUUUUUU!**" Sounded across the courtyard, causing many a mid day nappers to rise with a start.

Leaning back from the sheer force of the blast, Louise's familiar blinked his eyes. "Good shout." He complimented. "I haven't heard that word before. Kyu? That means... Cute?" He mumbled to himself.

"Excuse me." Tabitha spoke up to the man. Gathering he courage, she mustered the strength for a whole sentence. "Just how do you know so much about sentient dragon culture and why can you do that with your voice." Damn, she even managed a conjunction. Tabitha silently congratulated herself on her victory.

Smiling at the young girl, the man once again emanated his heroic aura, drawing the gaze of every student in the courtyard. "Why, that's because I have the soul of a dragon. I'm the Dragonborn."

Head met table as Louise once again cursed the universe of the utter insanity of her familiar. Why couldn't she have just gotten a useless commoner?


	5. Chapter 5: A Bit More Powerful Than Prev

**Chapter 5: A Bit More Powerful Than Previously Thought**

As Louise leaned against the airship's rails she thought back on what had brought her aboard a blockade runner heading into Albion. Her childhood friend, Princess Henrietta had asked a mission of Louise. Something only she could be trusted with. To retrieve a love letter to the Prince of Albion, Prince Wales. Such a thing could destroy the coming alliance between Tristain and Germainia, and it was Louise's duty to see that didn't happen. Well, Louise and her fiance Viscout Wardes; and her familiar... Her familiar.

The man had refrained from being too insane around her fiance after Louise had pleaded for him to keep quiet. It had worked, for the most part. Only her familiar had refused to speak at all after writing "Optional: Don't speak" under "Find Prince Wales" into his notebook. The result had him acting very imposing to just about everyone. Something her fiance actually found impressive. Wardes got along quite well with her familiar, believing him to be the epitome of a warrior. A bodyguard who knew his place a silent, invisible protector. Quite simply, Louise preferred it this way. She was not ready to lose her arranged marriage to Wardes, especially not over some crazy antics of her insane familiar.

A commotion snapped Louise's attention around. Sailors hurried around the ship, and Louise was quick to see why. Out in the distance, a ship approached flying a pirate's flag. Wardes was already by Louise's side, "Louise, thank goodness I found you." A frightened as she was, Louise was glad to have someone worry over her.

"Can we outrun them?" Louise asked, knowing full well their ship was under armed for a fight.

Grimacing, Wardes shook his head. "Not a chance. That is an Albion royal sloop. Our best chance is to parley, and failing that, fight a maned battle." Wardes' words rung true as the Captain ordered the white flag raised. The fear that stirred within Louise quelled when she saw her familiar. Not because he was horribly courageous looking or offering her comfort, but because he was squatting down and writing in his notebook. Fear could not exist in the face of overwhelming exasperation.

Deciding to risk it, Louise spoke out to her familiar. "Is this... do you think this to be another quest?" From the odd look her familiar gave her, Louise could only sigh and pinch the bridge of her nose. "You can talk now, optional objective accomplished." Louise felt just a tad bit dirty for stooping to speak crazy to her familiar.

Released of the geass of extra loot, the Dovahkiin smiled and shook his head. "Of course not, silly Louise. This isn't another quest, it's obviously the next stage of our current quest." Louise's nose nearly fractured under the strain of her pinch. "Of course, how could I be so _silly_." She replied, dangerously close to a miscast fireball.

"Ho there! Prepare to be boarded!" The pirate's captain called out as his ship was tethered to the surrendering blockade runner.

Whirling in anger, Louise disregarded common sense in favor of rage. "YOU BE QUIET! I AM DEALING WITH THIS," she pointed her hand accusingly at her familiar, "RIGHT NOW!"

The foppish blonde captain took a step back, stunned by his captive's fearlessness. This wasn't how people were supposed to react to pirates, even fake pirates. The man the spitfire was pointing to held up his hands to placate the girl. "Louise, you really shouldn't be so rude to Prince Wales."

Crews on both sides froze. The pirate crew, realizing their captain's ruse had been discovered, and the captive crew out of surprise. "Sir," Wales, the fake pirate captain began, "How could you possible have deduced that?" The man had been so confident, Wales discarded the idea of playing the fool, it was best now to decide whether to order the attack or not.

The man tilted his head to the side, obviously confused. "Well I can read your name cant I?"

Nearly everyone aboard was stunned in confusion now. Wardes began to wonder about Louise's familiar. Wales prepared another question, and Louise knew she had to stop the insanity now. "MAGIC ITEM!" She shouted, drawing everyone's attention to her. "He has a _magic item_," she glared dangerously at her familiar, "that allows him to see people's names." For a second, the familiar looked ready to speak, but then fell silent and crossed his arms, perplexed. Thanking Brimir, Louise turned to the newly revealed Prince Wales, not even bothering to question the accuracy of her familiars strange skills. "Prince Wales, I come with a message from Princess Henrietta." With that, she held out the Water Ruby ring Henrietta had given her and hoped the Prince would forget her rudeness.

"Dear Henrietta..." Wales mumbled, recognizing the ring. Snapping from his memories, the prince smiled. "Well then! We have much to talk about."

* * *

"Come with us." Louise pleaded again. They had retrieved the letter, but Wales was intent to meet the coming rebel army and his death. It was foolish, stupid and aggravating, but the man wouldn't change his mind. The castle he had brought Louise and her party to was the last fortress of the Albion Royal Army, and he intended to go down with it.

Wales simply shook his head as he slipped on his breast plate. Turning to her familiar, she found herself pleading to him. If the prince was to insane to see reason, maybe insanity incarnate could stop him. Gesturing to the prince, she shrugged let out a frustrated grunt. Getting the idea, her familiar spoke up. "It would be best for you to go to Tristain."

"I'll not flee my country." The prince responded.

Sighing, her familiar spoke to himself, "I really need to improve my speechcraft." With that, he turned and walked out the room.

So stunned was Louise it took her several moments to chase after her familiar. "That's it?!" She nearly shouted when she caught up to him.

Shrugging, her familiar spoke to her, "I failed, so there is not much helping it. I'll just go finish the quest the hard way." With that, her familiar exited the main doors of the castle.

Before Louise could explode in a volatile mic of confusion and frustration, her second protector found her. "Louise! We must be going."

"Not now Wardes!" Louise's frustration seeped out. The man kept trying to get her alone all mission, but he would have to wait til after this mission. She simply could not leave her familiar alone for a second or he might do something truly idiotic.

Hurrying after her familiar, Louise mutely noted Wardes was close behind. "Louise," Wardes once again spoke up, "We are heading toward the Reconquista army." The was worry and warning in his voice.

However worried Wardes was, only realization filled Louise. "You cannot be serious." She spoke to the back of her familiar. "You... what are you planning." Though she asked, Louise knew her familiar's answer.

Not bothering to tilt his head or turn, her familiar answered. "I cant convince Wales to leave and I hate trying to protect someone in a fight. So I'll just beat the army before it gets to the Castle."

Louise's familiars words stunned his companions. However, Louise was used to the insanity by now and recovered faster. "What!" She accused, "What are you going to do? Shout at them!?"

"To start." The Dovahkiin replied. In that moment, he broke the treeline at the crest of a hill and looked down across a valley at a marching army of tens of thousands of nearly followed him out, but an arm grabbed her and yanked her back into cover. Stunned yes, but Wardes wasn't about to let Louise get caught up in this last stand. Nor was he going to stop this man. If Louise's familiar was going t get himself killed it would finally give Wardes the time to push marriage and finish his own mission. Still, Wardes could not help but watch this man. Odd, yes. Maybe even crazy. But if a man was going to charge an army, it would be a sight to behold.

To Louise... She was frightened. Frightened her strange, crazy, and amazing familiar was about to die. He was frustrating. He was idiotic. He was often even downright tiresome. But he was also a goodhearted man who never ceased to amaze. "Don't die." She ordered him as he walked forward.

Without turning, her familiar replied. "If I die once, I'll make sure to retreat, okay?" If it had been anyone else, Louise would have thought it a bad joke, but her familiar was just strange enough to have a second life. Maybe.

"STRUN BAH QO!"

The shout was abrupt and piecing. It shook the skies themselves and resonated within the earth. Even when nothing happened instantly, Louise never doubted the power behind that voice. There was no denying what she heard. Then, the sky darkened. The sky rumbled.

The sky roared.

Lightning began to rain down upon the Reconquista army, countless men were struck dead by the wrath of the sky. Yet above the rumbling of thunder and the cries of the frenzied army, a single voice carried over it. Familiar runes shining, twin swords glistening in the rain, the Dragonborn charged, his nordic battlecry filling Louise's ears.

The man hit the army like a hot knife through butter. Men split before him while others ran in fear and all knew terror. He was fast, far faster than any man should be. He darted among them, between them, through them. There was nothing that could stop this man, this beast. The officers tried in vain to rally their forces, yet their voices were muted by the thunder ever rumbling above.

It was chaos.

He was chaos.

For every man he felled, another was struck by lightning and yet another died beneath the trampling boots of his comrades. Mages rained fire upon him, yet he remained untouched, ever slipping from their grasp. Yet soon he began to wear. An arrow hear, a lucky cut there. Slowly the beast was damaged. And slowly the routing army was brought to order. Coordinated fire began to take effect and though thousands died in the assault, there were thousands more.

Then, in the rain, in the blood. The Dragonborn was brought to his knees. A ring of soldiers leveled their bows at him, fearful of this beast they waited, none willing to fire. From his command, the general stood in awe of the beast that was attacking the army. This was a hero. Over the thunder, he could not hear the man's sword speak. "That was amazing partner." Derflinger spoke. "In 6000 years, you were the greatest." Unresponsive, the man withdrew a small bottle and raised it to his lips. Ah, Derflinger realized. "Heh," the sword chuckled. "Last bit o' drink before you meet the end?" Its jovial tone hid the melancholy the sword felt.

Dropping the empty bottle, the man looked to his sword and tilted his head. "What are you talking about? I just needed a potion break." With that, he picked up his nightingale sword from where it lay and stood, shocking the men around him. The man's wounds closed and strength flooded back into him.

A guffaw of excitement sounded from Derflinger. "Of all time Partner! You are the best!" Arrows were loosed, but the man had begun his slaughter anew.

It was then that the general of the army knew. This was no hero, this was a demon.

Nearly an hour later, the Reconquista were routed. Men lost their moral fighting what could not be beaten. Drinking another potion, the Dragonborn walked back up the hill toward Louise and Wardes. Finished with his potion, he looked up, and spoke to the sky. "LOOK VAH KOOR." The storm he had summoned was dismissed with the army that now fled from this man. Louise had thought she knew just how strange her familiar was. She had not. "Now," the man spoke, "We should go tell Prince Wales he doesn't need to worry anymore. I wonder if this quest has a good reward." With that, Louise's familiar began his walk back to the Castle, leaving the two stupefied nobles behind.


	6. Chapter 6: Journals

**Chapter 6: Journals**

The carriage jostled as one of its wheels went over a rather large rock. Though her head bobbed back and forth with the sudden moment, Louise's eyes did not leave her familiar. His eyes were empty… so very empty. The eyes that were usually so brimming with life that the insanity within leaked out to pollute the world were now clouded and unfocused. And… why wouldn't they be? He had been offered a position as a Duke! Second only to the monarchy of Albion itself, and he had turned it down. "I am grateful…" Louise barely managed the sentence. "I know you are my familiar, but to put that above such a title… I am grateful that I mean that much to you." The warrior's eyes remained unchanging, piecing Louise's heart. Surely he was resenting her for the choice. It was the only explanation for this. Summoning up her courage once more, Louise tried again, "N-not that I shouldn't be your top priority familiar, but such loyalty deserves gratitude." Internally Louise chastised herself for once again letting her emotions get the better of her.

Slowly, the Dragonborn's lifeless eyes turned to meet Louise's. Unable to meet his gaze, Louise's gaze drifted down to her feet. "Um… what was that?" An honestly confused voice spoke up.

In an instant Louise's eyes snapped up to meet the focused eyes of her familiar. There was no condemnation on his face, only honest confusion. "Umm…" Louise began, off-kilter by the experience. "I was thanking you for turning down Prince Wales' offer for me. I know it must have pained you greatly to turn down such an honor..."

For once Louise was glad when her familiar's eyebrow quirked up and he gave her that patronizing look of his. The familiarity was soothing. "No offence, but that's not why I turned his offer down. Apparently, anyone can buy land in Albion provided they have the money, why bother with noble titles at all then?" Disregarding Louise's baffled expression; the Dragonborn raised a hand to his chin. "I mean, the whole crime forgiveness thing is nice, but if I keep relying on that the other nightingales are going to start teasing me."

Her familiar had just disregarded her heartfelt thanks. Beyond that, he scoffed at the very idea of nobility like one would a child's dream. It was! _It was!_ It was relieving! Louise burst out into laughter, stress bursting out from her at the return of her insane, amazing familiar. "Then why the dead to the world gaze?" Louise managed between chortles.

Shaking his head at the odd antics of his laughing summoner, the Dragonborn replied, "Oh, I tend to zone out on carriage rides. Makes them go by in the blink of an eye." When his summoner renewed her chortles, the Dragonborn could only wonder if she wasn't quite right in the head. Well, he was in Halkeginia, the land of backwards people so it was probably alright. When her laughing died down, the Dragonborn decided then was a good time to pose his question. "Where are we headed anyways?"

Wiping a tear from her eye, Louise composed herself. "To my family estate. They want to meet you." That was certainly an understatement. The news of the Reconquista's defeat had spread like wildfire. Valliere servants were waiting for them as soon as they had left the castle. Honestly, the idea was stressful enough to put a slight damper on Louise's good mood. She had no idea what to expect. Would her family be unbelieving, or did they want to congratulate her. Maybe they wanted to meet her familiar and she was merely an afterthought? "At least, that is what I hope anyways…" Raising her eyes, Louise was about to vent her worries to when she caught sight of clouded, empty eyes. Scoffing, Louise leaned back and decided to take a page from her familiar's book. Surprisingly, it was quite easy to zone out and let her mind empty. Quite stress relieving too. Maybe her familiar was right about some things.

* * *

"Welcome home Lady Louise." The chorus of servants greeted the returning daughter as was routine. However, the awed glances at the armored warrior were not. Louise spared her servants of reprimand. After all, her familiar was quite awe inspiring in insanity if not in power.

Besides, there was someone waiting for her that Louise could always count on. "Welcome home, little sister." Cattleya, in all her elegant beauty stood waiting for Louise. In moments, the two were locked in each other's embrace. Each Valliere trying desperately to make this hug make up for every hug missed while Louise was away.

The moment was pure. The moment was perfect. Nothing could ruin it. As that thought entered Louise's mind, pure instinct fired and her eyes widened in fear. "You look sick." Too late. The moment was shattered as everyone in the hall turned to look at the tactless armored familiar. Despite her experience with the man, Louise was frozen solid by the sheer disrespect showed to her beloved elder sister.

Cattleya, bless her heart, recovered and responded with supreme grace. "I have been ill since I was a child. Don't worry, it is not contagious." A small coughing fit overtook her, belying the stress she was hiding.

The response of the servants was immediate. Like an organized flurry, they fell upon the nobles and quickly began ushering them away in the most polite way possible. It was important to get Lady Cattleya to bed as quickly as possible; her health was of utmost importance. "The Duke and Duchess will see you now." The head maid spoke up, stepping between the rude warrior and her charge. Yet, despite her measured disrespect to the man before her, he never spared her a glance.

Digging into his pouch, the Dragonborn retrieved a vial and handed it to the girl. "This should clear those up. Just make sure to go to the temple more often in the future." His odd, rude advice dispensed, the Dragonborn was ushered away with a still baffled Louise.

In short order, the two found themselves inside the dining room. With a leveled look at the Dragonborn, the maid left to fetch her masters. Half recovered, Louise shot an annoyed look at her familiar. She was smart enough by now to know the man didn't have a mean bone in his body, and that his hurtful words were a culture issue rather than malice. But she was still annoyed at him, and he needed to know it. For his part, the Dragonborn made a note of his summoner's ill mood and marked it down in his journal to ask her later. "Daughter!" The booming voice of Louise's father announced his entrance. Picking his youngest up, he thoroughly embarrassed her in front of her familiar and more importantly her mother. The woman in question spared Louise a nod before her eyes studied the Dragonborn. "So this is the Hero of Albion?" The Duke spoke, setting his ruffled daughter down.

Patting her clothing off, Louise replied for her familiar, who was returning her mother's heavy gaze with his own, jovial light one. "That is my familiar father. A Dragonborn." She used the title for the first time, secretly wanting approval.

Rubbing his beard, Duke Valliere studied the man before him. He seemed strong, but capable of taking on an army? Turning to his wife, the Duke caught her eye. "He seems adequate." She assessed the faintest of smiles upon her face. A smile only visible to her husband of twenty five years. That alone was enough to raise alarm. If his wife's fighting spirit had been awakened, this man must be something else. "Shall we retire for tea?" An honest offer of hospitality? Something else indeed.

* * *

Tea was… Odd. Karin Valliere saw fit to just study the Dragonborn. The Dragonborn spent most of his time looking oddly at his master; a master who remained quiet and subdued in the presence of her mother. So it was left to the duke to carry on the conversation. "So… your country is in the middle of a civil war. I can see how the similar situation in Albion might have roused you. So you support this… empire then?" The Duke wasn't sure what to make of this far away land, but it intrigued him never the less.

Tilting his head at Karin Valliere's studying gaze, the Dragonborn turned his attention to the Duke. "I never really thought about it. I figure I'll join a side when I figure out who I want to win." A slight twitch fled across Karin's face.

Her husband and daughter knew all too well why. The prospect caused both their faces to pale, and the Duke hurriedly tried to fix the problem. "But you have said you are a Thane, surely you would support your lord with whatever side he chooses."

The shrug that was returned caused the duke to swallow. "Well, I'm a Thane to several Jarls, and I don't really care about any orders they would give me." The muscles in Karin's face tightened.

Sweat formed on the Dukes brow. "But surely, you hold fealty to something. Gods or kings." It was a shot in the dark. Any sort of sense of duty to assuage Karin's wrath.

"Well, I don't really care about-"

"Familiar!" Louise shouted, surprising both herself and her parents. She did _not_ want her mother to get in a fight with her familiar for trampling all over the rule of steel. "You hold fealty to me right? You've stood beside me because you honor your duty to your master?" There, that would be enough to ease her mother's wrath. Surely at least the duty of master and familiar satisfied the rule of steel.

"Not really. I don't care about the whole master-familiar thing; I've been following your quest line."

The Dragonborn held up his little journal and shook it lightly. His smile was jovial, but his words pierced Louise. He… he didn't care at all about her? He was just following her damned _quest line!_ Here she was having the audacity to think she mattered. The nerve to believe that just because she liked the man then he must think something of her. Thoughts of her family and worries of her mother's wrath were forgotten. She had her _own _wrath to deal with. "Is that all I am! A quest?! I have put up with you insanity long enough! You and your founder forsaken journal can go-"

Louise's words stopped when an armored hand came to rest gently atop her head. Caring, understanding eyes met hers. "Louise, I follow your quest line _because_ I care about you."

Damn him… Founder damn him. Louise sobbed in front of her parents. This damn familiar, always screwing with her emotions. Still sobbing, Louise did her best to restrain herself in front of her parents. "Promise?" She asked, surprising even herself with her longing.

"Of course." The Dragonborn replied honest and good-natured as ever.

"Louise!?" The worried voice of Cattleya announced her arrival barely a second before she collided with her sobbing sister. "Are you alright?"

Louise was unable to reply Cattleya's personal maid rounded the corner. "Lady Cattleya! You shouldn't be out of bed so soon after a fit!" Worried chastisement laced every strained word.

Turning up her nose with the surprising mischievousness of new found energy, Cattleya replied, still gripping her sister. "I feel fine! That cough syrup this fine man gave me worked wonders! I feel better than ever!"

"Cough syrup or no-"

"That wasn't cough syrup." The maid fell silent in the wake of the Dragonborn's announcement. All eyes turned to him. "That was a potion of cure disease; I always keep a few on me when I go adventuring. You should be good now." Despite the levity with which he spoke, he was greeted only with silence.

Every Hakeginian present froze and tried to process just what the Dragonborn had said. Among them, one was able to recover first. After all, she had experience with this man and his logic defying nature. "Familiar, do you have a spare journal I could have?" With a light shrug, the Dragonborn handed one of his empty quest journals and a travel quill to Louise. Then, with mechanical precision, Louise squatted and put quill to paper.

**Quest: If You Can't Beat Them, Join Them**.


	7. Chapter 7:Starting off on the Right Foot

**Chapter 7: Starting off on the Right Foot**

The red skin of Louise's raw wrists ached beneath the shackles. Her eyes downcast, Louise was able to intimately inspect her dirtied, sore arms. Gone was her noble clothing, her mantle, her noble crest, even her wand was taken from her. Only simple, abused rags gave her any shred of modesty. She half-heatedly wished it was warmth rather than modesty they provided. Rags as tattered as hers provided no defense against the heat sucking stone floors and walls of her barren cell. "You." A hateful voice hissed from beyond the bars to her cell. Weakly, Louise looked up to her visitor. Agnes, protector of Princess Henrietta and leader of the musketeers, stood beyond them with her arms crossed across her chest. "How could you. You who the Princess trusted most. How could you possibly..." Agnes turned away in disgust, "I can't even bear to say it."

As Agnes turned, a shadow strafed around, staying perfectly behind the musketeer. A gauntlet hand offered a single 'thumbs up' to Louise, who responded with an enthusiastic nod and a smile.

Agnes snapped back to the weak, barely conscious Louise. "I can't even stand to look at you! You best pray the Princess still holds any love of you. Only her plea could save you from the chopping block now!" Louise's clouded eyed failed to waver, eliciting an angry snort of disposal from Agnes. "Fine, rot here then." With that, Agnes spun around, putting her shadow through quite the circle strafe, and stormed down the stairs of the tower.

When Agnes' steps finally faded and the door below slammed shut, Louise looked up to the position her familiar had taken leaning against the wall next to the door. "Are you sure about this?" She questioned. Not that she doubted her familiar. No, she was definitely beyond that. But her slight uneasiness begged a further explanation.

Her familiar crossed his arms and nodded sagely, "Of course. Great Heroes and Heroines _always_ begin their journey in prison for an unspecified crime. Even I was on my way to my execution when I received my call to adventure." He spoke as if what he said was fact, and for Louise's part, she was forced to accept it.

Still, these past few days weren't exactly the most pleasant of her life. "I still can't believe we-"

"_Unspecified_ crime Louise. We must never speak of the events leading to your incarceration again." The dragonborn cut her off with a strict, no-nonsense tone. This was one of the more important rules after all. "I understand it isn't fun," Certainly, his day on the prisoner wagon in a Skyrim winter had been less than enjoyable. "But just wait, soon your main quest will arrive."

Now this bit was what bothered Louise the most. Not only was this one of the more crazy Skyrim-logic leaps her familiar had made, but he also only ever used the word soon. Not tomorrow or in three hours. Soon. The vague, vague word that it was. "I hope you're right. Waitin-"

Stone crumbled beneath dragon claw as the wall to Louise's cell was ripped apart. The thundering clash of magic claw on stone drowned out Louise's surprised scream, her Familiars cheer of success, then Louise's squeal of excitement. Both master and familiar quickly recognized the dragon as Tabitha's familiar. They did not recognize her when magical light engulfed her and left behind a naked woman. "Please! Irukuku doesn't know anyone else who could help Irukuku's Sister. Irukuku begs you help Sister Tabitha!"

Louise reached forward, intent on clasping Sylphid, Irukuku's, hands and agreeing but was stopped hen her familiar grabbed her shoulder, restricting her movement. Stunned, she looked to him only to see him rolling his eyes and shaking his notebook before her eyes. Right! She almost stated her main quest off with a mistake. Taking out her notebook, the one thing that hadn't been taken from her, she squatted down and opened it with trembling hands.

**Quest: Save Tabitha**


	8. Chapter 8: Stars

**Chapter 8: Stars**

Louise held firmly to Sylphid as the dragon soared through the skies. As cold wind bit into her she thanked her lucky stars that the Dragonborn had given her his old guild armor. By now she knew better than to ask where he had been keeping the leather armor, or how armor meant for him fit her like a glove. No, she had replaced her prisoner rags with glee and accepted her familiars comment about carrying more with ease. Without this shield against the cold air Louise expected she would have been quite the sorry sight.

The loud, roaring guffaw of glee from her familiar shook Louise her from her thoughts. "Wooo- Hooooooo!" Turning her head she glanced behind to see her familiar raising his arms into the air and smiling with unabashed glee. Catching her smirk, the Dragonborn impressed upon her the gravity of the situation. "Louise, we are riding a DRAGON! Go ahead and cut loose!" The unrestrained words easily boomed over the wind.

For two moments Louise considered the situation. On the one hand she _was_ trying to learn everything she could from the Dragonborn. On the other hand she was still a noble and did like to act dignified. On a third, metaphorical hand there was no one around to and her familiar did have a point. Riding a dragon _was_ pretty awesome. Raising her hands into the air, Louise clutched to Sylphid's neck with her legs and cut loose. "Weeeeeeee!"

"Whooooo-Hooooooo!"

"Kyuuuuuuuuuu!"

Far of in the distance Tabitha sat with her ill mother reading a story about Ivaldi; a dignified, heroic knight that came to rescue a princess. With a grimace she closed her book with resignation. There would be no dignified and heroic knight for her. Technically she was right. The three coming for her were anything but dignified.

* * *

The sun was setting when Sylphid touched down in the castle courtyard, her wings kicking up dirt into a light cloud. Slightly tired from the ride, Louise panted lightly and wobbled when she once again stood on her own two feet. Out of mild worry the Dragonborn asked, "Do you need a potion?"

Shaking her head, Louise took a moment to recover herself. "No, I'll be fine." Lithely stretching out, Louise once again noted the craftsmanship of her armor. The leather didn't seem to impede her movements at all. The fleeting thought of how making hundreds of daggers could possibly impart such legendary armorer skills was silenced by Louise's experience with her familiar. Feeling better, Louise looked around at the dozens of guards assembling. "What about them?" She asked curiously.

Louise studied the enemies without fear. After all her familiar had fought an entire army and won, these guards were merely an afterthought. One such enemy spoke up when he caught sight of the Dragonborn, "Oh Brimir no!" Steel clattered to the floor and the man ran screaming from the castle, his sword forgotten.

His compatriots stared after him with confusion, "What's with William?"

"He hasn't been the same since Albion, poor sop should just give up the merc life." A chorus of sympathetic mumbles agreed with the speaker.

Sympathy turned to envy when a voice in their midst agreed with them. Leaning against a guard, the Dragonborn nodded, "Poor guy; but I let him live at least. That counts for something right?" A hundred pairs of eyes looked to where the Dragonborn had appeared. How had they not noticed him move?! Two blades sung as the Dragonborn pulled forth his blades. For a moment, there was silence. Then there were screams.

In minutes the guards were routed and the Dragonborn was walking back to Louise shaking his head. "Your world is so strange Louise." A man cried for mercy and dragged himself away in the background. "I mean, this is your first quest and there are _this_ many enemies in the castle? Quite the difficulty curve if you ask me."

For all her experience, Louise still rolled her eyes at the man. Yes, because Gallia assigns guard on how to provide a fair challenge for a lone invader rather than to, you know, _guard the castle. _Rather than join a losing debate on how much her familiar was twisting her world's rules, Louise simply nodded and played along with his logic. "Well I do have you along, so this many is hardly a challenge."

Offering Louise a thumbs up and a smile, the Dragonborn informed her, "Oh no worries, I left a fair amount alive. This way you can have a nice and easy first dungeon." If this world wasn't going to give a fair challenge, the Dragonborn could step in.

Looking beyond her familiar, Louise spied the remaining guards. Half were crawling away in fear and the other half were in the fetal position with their eyes tightly shut in hoped the demon would leave them be. "Well, nice and easy might be a bit of an understatement..." Casually Louise walked through he guards midst toward the prisoner tower.

Mildly Louise wondered just how much her familiar had twisted her when she stepped over a corpse. Ah well, his name was just 'Gallian Guard' anyways, he probably didn't matter. "H-hold it right there." A lone guard stood in Louise's way, sword raised before him.

Looking over her should back to her familiar, Louise gave the man a questioning look. In response the Dragonborn shrugged, "Don't look at me, I'm not interfering now that this is fair." Louise studied the Dragonborn for a moment. Okay... this was what she wanted after all; to be trained by this man.

Turning back to the guard, Louise raised her wand. If it was just one guard she could- Before Louise could even finish the first line of her incantation the guard charged. The swing of his sword impacted Louise's arm with murderous force. "Ack!" Louise's pained cry sounded in sheer surprise and her wand tumbled from her grasp. Thankfully her armor held firm. Louise stumbled away. She needed to reclaim her wand and- "Ack!" Another blow from behind sent her toppling. How the hell did her familiar make this look so easy? "Ahh!" Aother blow to her side sent Louise rolling. If she hadn't had this armor then... She would have died. Louise realized, true fear emerging within her heart.

A foot planted itself on Louise's stomach and held her down. The guard held his sword aloft, ready to stab downward. Beaten and bruised, Louise looked to her familiar. Smile still plastered to his face, the Dragonborn raised his arm. "Go Louise! Don't die!" He cheered for her then nudged the dragon at his side to do the same. "Just cheer, we cant interfere."

Confused by the situation, Sylphid instinctively obeyed the older dragon. "Kyuu!"

In what were very possibly her last moments, Louise's eyes narrowed incredulously. Like hell was this man's insanity going to be the end of her. She would harness it for herself Brimir-dammit! "Time out!" Louise held up her hand, stupefying her executioner. In the man's hesitation Louise dug into the her pockets for potions her familiar had given her. "This one... this one.. ah and this one!" She was only mildly certain she had found the right potions, but her guess turned to be correct as her body healed when she drank the first elixir. The second elixer was downed and Louise felt her stamina return to her. The third was what she really needed however. Strength flooded into Louise and she instinctively grabbed the dagger at her belt. Where as before it was simply a convenient tool, now she felt as if she was a veteran of the blade. "Time in!" She called with glee, cutting the man's ankle and rolling out from beneath him.

Hurt, the man stumbled, but lashed out at Louise. Sword clashed upon dagger as Louise's blade intercepted her opponents. Her arm buckled under the strain of the blow, but it was still better than taking the strike head on. Still, Louise knew she needed to remain on the offensive. Stepping in close, Louise whirled, her blade becoming a stinger in her dance of death.

With one final strike she sent the man stumbling to his knees. "I give in!" He cried for mercy. Something Louise graciously allowed out of the goodness of her heart and not just because she felt the potions effects fading. With a nod, she allowed the man to flee.

As soon as the man was out of sight, Louise fell to her knees. "By Brimir..." She mumbled through nervous breaths.

Trotting up to his master, the Dragonborn congratulated her. "Way to go Louise. You won all by yourself!" Reaching to the ground, the Dragonborn picked up Louise's wand and handed it to her.

"Kyuu!" Sylphid agreed.

Raising an eyebrow, Louise decided no to mention she survived only because of her familiar's armor and potions. "I need to get better at fighting." Louise admitted. If she wasn't going to have her familiar to protect her while she chanted, she would need to be able to fight while chanting. "You wouldn't happen to have a sword would you?"

With a frown, the Dragonborn shook his head. "I already helped you cheat enough with that armor and those potions. You'll need to loot a blade yourself." In the back of his mind the Dragonborn wondered if the first dungeon had been so difficult because of his cheating. It was possible, and definitely supported his decision to not give Louise any more items.

Pouting, Louise mumbled, "Stingy..." And almost asked where she was to get a blade, then remembered she was in a field of discarded swords. Some part of her nobility cried out in degradation when Louise pulled a shortsword from the corpse of fallen enemy, but the part of her that remembered her recent brush with death silenced it.

With the last of the guards out of the way, Louise led her familiar and Sylphid toward the prisoner tower once more. Quite satisfied with herself, Louise smirked. Getting that guard out of the way had been quite the ordeal, now all they had to do was get past this elf and rescue Tabitha.

Wait, what?

Louise took a moment to re-notice the man standing between her and the prisoner tower. Yup, long, pointy ears. Elf. "You have _got_ to be kidding me." Louise lamented drawing a curious look form the elf.

Bidashal the elf looked on with interest as the human girl expressed exasperation rather than despair. "I am sorry but I can't let yo-"

A particularity venomous look from Louise halted Bidashal; though more out of confusion than fear. "Just be quiet for a second." Turning to the Dragonborn, Louise complained, "I thought you said this would be easy now. There is an _elf _in the way!" This plan of her familiar's was becoming more and more ridiculous.

Tilting his head, the Dragonborn replied, "So what, its just an elf." Not a variety he recognized mind you, but hardly worth worrying about.

Louise slapped her brow. "_Just_ an elf?! I don't know what Skyrim Elves are like, but our elves can take on hundreds of mages alone. They are the most dangerous threat to humanity,_period_!"

For a moment the Dragonborn thought on the situation. "Really..." He studied the elf with interest. Well, Louise did have a point, the elf really seemed to be a boss; named and everything. "You know Louise, I'm beginning to think this was supposed to be a stealth mission." Then with a shrug, he motioned to the elf, "Oh well, give it your best shot." The Dragonborn's smile was met with Louise's blank stare.

Looking to the elf, Louise pondered her situation. In this situation... Could diplomacy work? Louise walked toward the elf. "Perhaps we could-" A wall of hard air slammed into Louise and sent her sliding back to the Dragonborn dragging through the stone flooring.

Frowning, Bidashal spoke to the girl he had flung away. "I'd rather you didn't try to be so cordial after ignoring me."

On her back Louise's mind registered what happened. "Ow..." She managed to grind out. The pain that flared within Louise faded quickly as a warm white light enveloped her. Cracking open an eye, Louise noted that her familiar was once again preforming wandless magic. "What happened to not interfering?" Sarcasm aside, Louise was thankful for the healing. In moments she felt as right and rain.

As Louise stood, the Dragonborn shrugged. "Its been so long since I did a stealth mission I didn't even think to try it. Since it's kind of my fault you are facing unfair odds, I'll help you out for now." Blades at the ready, the Dragonborn looked to the elf. "_Wuld Nah Kest_." The words of power carried the Dragonborn to the elf in an instant. Before Bidashal could react the blades wire arcing for the elf's neck.

*Clang*

Steel met an invisible barrier and sounded throughout the night air. "Hmm?" The Dragonborn was initially puzzled.

*Clang*

*Clang*

*Clang*

"Huh..." The Dragonborn cupped his chin even as a wall of wind tossed him through the air. Still cupping his chin in thought, the Dragonborn impacted a stone wall and indented into it. "That is some defense... I wonder if..." Still stuck in the wall, the Dragonborn looked to the sky. Then, he smiled with unrestrained glee. "Louise, new sidequest! Defeat Bidashal!" Pulling his arms free, the Dragonborn pulled free his journal and wrote with passion.

So intense was the man's passion that Louise forgot her worry over the elf and quickly knelt to write in her own journal. What was he up to? "Okay Louise, I'll keep you healed. Lets get to this!" The Dragonborn charged, struck, and was thrown away like a rag doll.

Louise thought for a moment. This right here was the cusp of insanity. She could still turn back and be a sensible Tristanian. Or she could charge an elf with abandon. Long ago she used to think over dilemma's back at school with the mantra, what would Cattleya do? Well Cattleya would get healed by this madman of a familiar's insanity. So, casting aside her reservations, Louise charged, struck, and was thrown away like a rag doll.

For the life of him Bidashal couldn't figure these barbarians out. They just kept charging him. It was no effort to simply ask the wind spirits to toss them away, but each time their bones were crushed the man simply emanated white light. Their wounds healed, their stamina was restored, and they came again. At first Bidashal focused everything he had on the man, yet it was impossible to truly harm the man. Something dampened the magic of the spirits just enough so the man's healing could outpace whatever wind or stone Bidashal sent.

Giving up on that Bidashal focused on the girl, but then the man turned his attention solely to healing her. Twice her body seemed to be reduced to tatters, yet in seconds she was back on her feet as good as new! It was insufferable! Was this how humans felt facing Counter?!

Once again Louise was pulled back from the brink of death. "Familiar... I don't think we are going to break whatever that barrier is like this." If nothing else, Louise was at least beginning to be able to handle the pain of having her body crushed.

Her worry was met with child like glee. The Dragonborn simple smiled. "I know, right!? It's amazing!" at Louise's confused look, the Dragonborn let out a patronizing sigh. "Louise, look to the stars." Knowing she had committed herself to insanity, Louise looked up.

Something... Something incomprehensible was up there. In her heart she felt it, the need to choose. Well, if anything she didn't want to hurt as much when she was bouncing along the ground. There... whatever it was was done. "Huh..." Louise realized she felt much more at home in her armor. Fighting this elf was making her stronger. "Can we just... keep doing this?" She asked with trepidation.

As the Dragonborn soared through the air once more courtesy of elven magic, he flashed a grin. "Yup! Awesome right?"

Louise's realization could be heard over the crash of her familiar once more implanting in stone. "Amazing!" Charging, Louise managed to get a hit in before being tossed away like so much garbage. This time though when she hit the ground she didn't hurt _quite_ as much.

* * *

Hours passed. Slowly Bidashal began to realize that this wasn't going to end. These two weren't human. They were something else. Some kind of inexhaustible, unkillable golems. Bidashal was growing tired. He needed to sleep. His stomach growled. He needed to eat. These two seemed to need neither... They lived to charge. "Enough..." Bidashal was done. With one last blast, he sent his assailants tumbling. Before they could once again charge, Bidashal chanted, summoning a windspirit to carry him away. Though he rarely used such high level flight magic, he was done with these two. Hopefully a good night's rest could help him forget.

When Bidashal finally stopped flying he glanced behind him to make sure he wasn't followed. Surely the dragon wouldn't leave it's mistress. So the two... things... couldn't hope to follow. "Good..." He sighed as he landed in a small grove. he didn't fear the two so much as they unnerved him. They didn't belong in nature. They weren't like the barbaric humans that set themselves apart from the natural world. They truly didn't belong. They were alien to nature.

Sensing his concern, nature provided for Bidashal. The unseen hand of the land guided him to an apple tree near a stream where he ate, drank and laid down to rest. Soon enough his concerned thoughts left him and sleep found the weary elf.

* * *

*Clang*

Bidashal shifted in his sleep.

*Clang*

A nightmare? He tried to ignore it.

*Clang*

Sleep was slowly taken from the elf as the sound of steel woke him.

*Clang* *Clang* *Clang*

Two figures stood above the elf, their blades clanging against his barrier with mechanical monotony.

*Clang* *Clang* *Clang*

Gleeful smiles shone down on Bidashal, the figures forms' blocking out the moonlight so only the glinting of their mad smiles could be seen.

*Clang* *Clang* *Clang*

Fear filled Bidashal even as the man spoke to the girl. "See Louise, we just need to follow the waypoint. We can find him anywhere."

Fear was replaced with terror within Bidashal as his composure broke. "NOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!"

*Clang* *Clang* *Clang*

* * *

Far away, back at the castle Sylphid sat confused. Patiently she waited for the older dragon to return. Up in the tower Tabitha sat, waiting for her knight. They would have to keep waiting a little longer, but their quest would keep. The two adventurers had to finish a side quest first.


	9. Chapter 9: Following in her Footsteps

**Chapter 9: Following in her Footsteps**

The sound of fighting once again filled the castle courtyard. Metal rang upon metal as the last guard put everything he had into slaying the monster before him. All his comrades had fallen before the pink haired witch's blade, but it had tired her. Now all she could do was defend. Here and now he would take revenge for his comrades and slay this girl.

Oblivious to the heroic inner monologue of the guard, the Dragonborn sighed as he watched Louise block strike after strike. "Are you done yet?" He gnawed on another root he dug up, if only to make use of the time.

Louise's short sword intercepted another blow and she briefly glanced to the stars above. "Just a little more. You are the one who said blocking was also important." Really, he was the one who taught her this and she would be damned before she gave in to his impatience.

The guard let out a great cry. "Have at you!" His blade came down and was deflected again. A wand appeared in Louise's hand with a flick of her wrist and she leveled it at him. The following explosion took the guard's consciousness from him before he even hit the ground.

Turning to her familiar, Louise stretched her arms out. "Done. Happy?"

Swallowing the root, the man nodded inn satisfaction despite the green tinge to his face. "Yes. I'm really interested to see where this quest goes." Training was all well and good, but quests were what it was all for after all.

The duo found Sylphid waiting patiently, if a bit confused, by the tower base. The dragon cried in excitement when she spotted them. "You're back! Please save big sis!" Unaware of her size, the dragon tromped over to the two, barreling into the Dragonborn in her excitement. The man barely held his footing and went about calming the excited dragon while Louise continued on to the heavy door at the base of the tower.

Grabbing the knob, Louise pulled at the door futilely. It was locked tight. Making his away around the excitable dragon, the Dragonborn approached Louise. "Locked huh? Well this would be a good time to learn about lockpicking." He dug into his pouch for some lockpicks, deciding that letting Louise use his Skeleton Key would be cheating and he did not want to mess with Louise's difficulty any more than he already had.

Holding up her wand, Louise spoke. "I have my lockpick right here." The Dragonborn tilted his head and gave her a strange look. There was no way her wand could be used as a lockpick. Sure it was long and slender but- The Dragonborn's line of thought was cut off when Louise pointed her wand at the door, chanted, and blew the barrier to pieces in torrent of smoke and power. When the dust settled the door lay in taters, no longer impeding their progress. "By Talos..." The Dragonborn whispered, taking in the sight.

Louise turned proudly. Even if she was learning everything she could from her familiar, she hadn't completely forgotten her talents. "Now that this is out of the way..." Louise trailed off when her familiar nervously put his hand through where the door had been and waved it around. Still hesitant, he daintily put one foot over the threshold.

Wonder crossed his face when he was able to put his foot down within the tower. Turning to Louise with amzed eyes he cried out. "You destroyed a door!" Louise was dumbstruck by his amazement. "A _door!_ A locked door at that! I had no idea that was even possible! Maybe you Halkaginian's can do some amazing things after all!" It was insane, wonderful, and horrifying all at once. Never before had the Dragonborn been able to knock down a door. From the flimsiest rotten planks to the sturdiest iron gates. If they were locked, he needed the key or to pick them. But destroying them... it should have been impossible.

Why a man capable of defeating an army single-handily thought this was amazing, Louise wasn't quite sure. She was however quite pleased such a man found her exciting. Puffing out her chest, she stood proudly. "Well I _am_ amazing after all. Come familiar! We have a maiden to rescue!" She charged off up the spiral staircase full of excitement leading her equally excited familiar. Slamming in the last door, Louise found Tabitha sitting next to a bed staring bewildered at her. "Tabitha! I'm here to rescue you." Louise spoke proudly.

Tabitha wasn't sure how to react. Louise wasn't exactly the first person she expected to come to her rescue; or even the girl's familiar who was currently leaning around the door frame trying to get a good view. Even with those expectations, Tabitha couldn't help but feel hope blossom in her heart. Hope she quickly pushed down and averted her gaze to the gaunt woman sleeping in the bed beside her. "I can't leave my mother." Tabitha's soft voice hid her sadness poorly.

The sound of scratching drew Tabitha's attention back to Louise. The girl was squatting and writing in a journal. Odd. "Right then." Louise stood up with a bounce. "Next stage: Heal Tabitha's Mother." She began digging through her pouch. "What do you think?" She absentmindedly asked her familiar. "Cure disease?"

Hesitant, Tabitha instinctively tried to push down any chance of hope. "It is no disease. She was poisoned." The damage was already done, there was no healing her mother's affliction.

Louise just snapped her fingers in response. "Cure poison then." Withdrawing a bottle, she walked over to Tabitha with stars in her eyes. Handing the potion to Tabitha she said with barely constrained excitement. "Just give her this and she'll be right as rain." Careless, Louise placed the potion in Tabitha's hands as one might pass a snack.

Tabitha's hands trembled. Not wanting to believe but bursting with hope all the same. After so long, Tabitha once more began to truly hope. If this didn't work... She could not take it. Unstopping the bottle, she tipped the contents into her mother's mouth.

The woman's throat swallowed. Her eyes fluttered open. "Charlotte?" She reached up in wonder and cupped her daughter's face. "My Charlotte?"

True, honest tears of joy fell from the faces of Mother and daughter as they were reunited once again.

* * *

Louise considered that she would probably end up better than her familiar. Why was that? Well she was learning everything he had to offer but still knew better than to shout 'Quest complete' during Tabitha's reunion. She _even_ managed to silence her familiar before he did exactly that. However, as soon as the mother and daughter broke apart and turned to their rescuers, both familiar and master jumped in excitement.

"Quest Complete!"

Oh! Louise realized she was probably going to get a reward if her familiar's logic held true; and she knew it would. Leaning in to listen to Tabitha as the girl regained her composure, Louise pondered what she would want. A sword would be nice, the cheap guard's sword she had taken didn't hold a candle to either of her familiar's. Louise was so deep in wonder she almost didn't listen to Tabitha's thanks. "Louise. You have done so much for me..." Tabitha held steady, not wanting to sob again. "I wish I could repay you... But I have nothing." Tabitha's knightly honor stabbed at her heart. Here Louise had saved her. Been the knight she had wished for. Yet she had no way to repay the girl.

Confused and mildly dissatisfied, Louise turned to her familiar. "What now?" When in doubt, consult the expert after all.

Rubbing his chin, the Dragonborn thought aloud. "Well, main quests can be like this sometimes, but not usually..." He looked to Tabitha in thought, then planted his fist in palm as he realized it. "Oh!" Leaning in to Louise, he whispered into her ear.

Tabitha waited patiently for Louise and her familiar to finish, it was the least she could do. After a few moments Louise's face lit up in excitement. "Oh!" Tabitha noted the repressed smile on Louise's face as the girl spoke. "Tabitha, would you like to join me on my adventures?"

The sounds echoed around and inside Tabitha. Yes, this was how she could repay Louise. This was how she could shake free of the shackles of a damsel in distress. She would become a knight. Louise's knight. Kneeling, Tabitha spoke. "My staff is your staff, my magic your magic, my heart your heart. I am your knight until death claims me." It was hard for Tabitha to speak so much, but she would not skimp on this oath.

"Alright!" Louise cried in excitement. "Follower acquired!"

Odd as her master was, Tabitha felt nothing but happiness for Louise. Turning to her mother, Tabitha found understanding eyes. The woman would need time to recover, and Tabitha knew just where Sylphid could take her.

A hand rested on Tabitha's shoulder. Turning she found the Dragonborn. "Congratulations." His simle held something hidden... What was it? "Now that you are a follower, I should let you know..." Now Tabitha could see it. That sinister glint in his smile. "There is a very scared duty all followers must perform." Tabitha gulped.

* * *

Weary and drained, Tabitha plodded on behind Louise and the Dragonborn. The massive sack on her back shouldn't even be called a sack. It was a monstrous pack twice her size supported both by her own strength and the wind magic constantly lifting it just enough for the poor girl to continue. _Take my mother to Kirche's estate I said. Protect her until I call for you I said._Right now a dragon would be really, really helpful. Tabitha's flat glare bored into her master's familiar. Follower her ass. She was a pack mule! Had the two really needed to gather up every scrap of armor and weapon from the guards at the castle. For Brimir's sake this all couldn't be worth much!

"Rabbit!" The Dragonborn called out, completely oblivious to the death glares Tabitha was sending him. The white hair ran for it's life, Louise and the Dragonborn hot on its heels, blades at the ready. After a few moments of missed swings an explosion sounded and a white hair flew through the sky. Louise had once again relied on magic to finish the job.

Louise walked after the Dragonborn. "I know it's good practice for my magic, but is it really necessary to kill every rabbit we see?" Poor things.

The Dragonborn nodded sagely. "The rabbits feed the wolves. Cut off the food supply and the enemy dwindles." The Dragonborn's experience with Louise allowed him to translate her confused look. Ah, further explanation was required. These poor Halkeginians. "Wolves attack everything and everyone. From the plainest peasant to the most dangerous warrior. Those murderbeasts are staging a war on humanity and we have a duty to fight back."

_Not our wolves you insane idiot._ Tabitha foresaw Louise's rebuttal, but her prediction proved false when Louise shrugged.

"Fair enough." The pinkette accepted the madman's ramblings in stride. Tabitha only adjusted her mountain of a pack and sent another death glare at the Dragonborn. How dare he taint her master's mind?

As if to respond, the Dragonborn stopped to look back at Tabitha, though his cheery expression showed no hint of noticing her loathing. "So, a princess huh?" Tabitha nodded hesitantly. She was a knight before that though, not that the man cared. Tabitha stopped before the two and said man turned to Louise. "That's unique, I'll trade you for her. I've got several warrior types."

Before Tabitha could respond aghast Louise's arms wrapped around her head and pulled the blue haired girl to her chest. "No, she's mine." Tabitha blushed, liking that for once her skills were desired. This was a service she had given herself to; it was different from her uncle's blackmail. It was nice her new master valued her so highly.

The Dragonborn sighed and walked on. He hadn't really expected Louise to accept, but one must try everything to see if it uncovers any quests. Releasing her follower, Louise trotted forward once more after sparing Tabitha a smile. "So why aren't we taking a carriage or 'zoning out' as you put it." Their pace was a bit slow after all.

Shaking his head, the Dragonborn went into instructor mode. "Louise, you can't simply fast-travel anywhere." He gestured to the lush woodlands around the road they walked on. "You have to explore for new locations, take the time to enjoy the little things, and give quests a chance to reveal themselves. Why, right now a quest could just drop right out of the sky."

As the world is wont to do, logic was twisted to obey the Dragonborn. With a grand crunch, a massive manitcore landed right behind the Dragonborn, kicking up a cloud of dirt with the sheer force of the landing. The beast let loose a blood curdling roar that pushed the mans hair about in it's wrath. "See?" He said, drawing his swords.

However, before he could turn to face the beast, Louise called out. "Wait!" The urgency in her voice stopped her familiar and after a moment's thought, her sheathed his blades. "That's my..." Louise gulped. "Mother." On cue an armored woman dismounted from the top of the beast. Swordwand drawn, she evaluated her daughter and the familiar with ice in her veins. Then she silently turned the manticore and helped another dismount. "Princess Henrietta!" Louise exclaimed as she recognized the other rider.

Hesitation, hurt, and hope were mixed in the Princess' expression. The monarch took a step forward. Louise forgot her mother for a moment and moved forward as well, but stopped when the Princess shied away. A moment's silence was enough for Princess Henrietta to find her courage. "Prince Wales sent word that he has found a connection between Gallia and the Reconquista..." Though she tried to keep her voice steady, she still remembered what Louise had done that landed the girl in the dungeon. "It's not enough that we can truly prove it, but there was also a chance Gallia planed to help them move against Tristain. That could have meant the end for our nation." She swallowed, building momentum. "When you were there, you and your familiar stopped the Reconquista. You found something too didn't you? You learned of Gallia's intent." Tears began to fall and Henrrietta cast her face down, gripping her hands tight. "Tristain needs more time to prepare itself against Gallia. Now that Princess Charlotte is on the run, Gallia's attention will be drawn. The one who took her from them had already been condemned by Tristain so no war will come of it." Losing herself to her emotion, Henrietta let her tears flow and charged to Louise, embracing the surprised girl in an embrace. "You would cast aside _everything_ to protect us? Louise... I... It hurts so much... Thank you so, so much..."

Bewildered, Louise looked to the Dragonborn only to receive a shrug of equal bewilderment. Carefully, Louise wrapped her arms around Henrietta and soothed her first friend's sobs. If nothing else, she was glad Henrietta was no longer hurting from that thing she did that would not be mentioned.

When Henrietta broke away, Louise found her mother just behind the Princess. An armored hand came to rest on Louise's shoulder. "Daughter. That level of sacrifice for the crown. I could never be more proud of you than I am now." Any thought to correct the minor misconception left Louise's heart forever. If the more impulsive and selfish reasons for her actions were ever reveled. She would definitely be killed. Luckily the one who knew the reasons was was considered insane by any else's standards, so she was probably safe.

Offering a slight bow of respect and thanks, Henrietta spoke. "You have done so much for Tristain, but I am afraid I must ask more." Two notebooks appeared, quills at the ready. Hesitating only slightly, Henrietta spoke. "You can infiltrate Gallia without risk of war. We need to know what King Joseph is planning. We know he retrieved the Founder's Music Box from Albion, so it can't be good." It was a lot to ask, but the Princess knew it was necessary.

Completely ignoring the gravity and danger of the task, Louise closed her journal with a snap. "Right. Quest: Infiltrate Gallia's Capital received." Looking to her familiar, the two nodded in unison. "Mother, Princess, please leave everything to me." With a smile, Louise turned and walked back the way she came. Back to Gallia it was then."

When Tabitha's master and the familiar passed her she made to turn, only to stop when a hand grabbed her shoulder. Tabitha's eyes looked to find Karin studying the massive pack. "Wind magic to support it hmm?" The older mage spoke with interest. "You know, I used the same exercise when I was inventing the Heavy Wind. I feel better knowing a diligent and creative wind mage such as yourself is with my daughter." Tabitha's eyes widened. _The _Heavy Wind? As in Karin of the Heavy Wind? Suddenly Tabitha wondered if there was more to the odd familiar's plan than just tormenting her. Had he been teaching her secretly all along? Such wisdom! "Please," Karin spoke, "Keep my daughter safe."

With an enthusiastic nod Tabitha accepted, "Yes Ma'am." With new found energy Tabitha turned and hurried off after her master.

Ahead the Dragnoborn thought to himself how useful it was to have a pack mule, er, follower around again.

************************************************


	10. Chapter 10: Mounts

**Chapter 10: Mounts**

Dirt and grime clung to the corners of the dingy bar. Less than reputable men nursed their ales in the low light of the dying hearth fire while listening to a bard strum a slow, meandering tune on his lute. The door to the tavern swung open, drawing the gazes of the gathered brutes. A man clad in black armor stepped inside. The newcomer's hardened gaze swept over the occupants, evaluating them. The second to enter was a small pink-haired girl dressed in leather armor. An odd pair to be sure, but these men lived in the shadows and had seen far stranger. Strange like the third person who attempted to enter the bar. Attempted being the key word. The fine clothing of the final blue haired girl pointed to higher status than her burden implied.

Said burden being a massive pack twice her size currently stuck in the doorway. Tabitha pulled and pulled, but that pack was good and stuck. She pushed down the fleeting thought of leaving the pack outside. Louise had entrusted her with this task to become stronger, she would not stop until she was relived of the duty. Besides, it just felt wrong to put the bag down.

Louise and the Dragonborn paid Tabitha and the curious glances of the patrons no mind as the strolled into the bar. Choosing a particularly surly looking man, the Dragonborn sat down across from his target and slouched back. "Hey... You hear anything about those Tristains? Man I sure hate those guys. I wish our king was plotting their downfall." Cracking a terrible fake smile the Dragonborn sealed the deal. "I _sure _would like to get in on the action." The Dragonborn looked around, terribly hiding his expecting eyes. When nothing happened his expression fell. Then, with renewed vigor he lightly elbowed a man next to him. "Right? Right?" Again he looked to the bewildered man in hope and again his expression fell when all he received was a disgruntled shrug.

Arms crossed, Louise cocked her hip and asked, "You really suck at this don't you?" It still surprised her how this man was legendary at some things... and then failed _this_ terribly at others.

With a childish pout the Dragonborn glared at Louise, "You be quiet. I told you I never leveled my speechcraft. Now its pretty much impossible to." Giving up, the Dragonborn sighed. "Fine, you try." Throwing up his arms, the Dragonborn stepped aside.

Louise paid no mind to the multiple patrons watching their display with mixed levels of bemusement. Instead she made her way over to the barkeep. The slightly rotund man looked to the little girl with mild curiosity. "What'll it be. I've got some stew if you're hungry." At the mention of food the girl's stomach growled, marking her as a customer.

Yet despite that growl Louise declined, "No thank you. I'm not injured." Again her stomach growled and again she willfully ignored it. Near the back of the bar Tabitha renewed her efforts to get inside. Leaning in, Louise looked the barkeep in the eye. "Who around here is in the know?" She dug her hand into her pouch and with drew an ecu; placing it on the counter.

A gloved hand reached forwards and took the coin before the bartender could. "That'd be me." Louise turned to meet eyes with a cloaked figure, his toothy grin gleaming in the shadows of his hood. This shadow ignored the annoyed huff of the barkeep and began to play with the coin. "But information about King Joseph? Now that'll be costly." The coin glinted as he flipped it along his fingers.

Placing a pouch upon the table, Louise met the man's eyes as gold spilled out the top. "Where can I find him?" She spoke plainly, not having the patience for this man's games.

Greed filled the man as he snatched up his prize and placed it within his pack. "Now for that? I'll give you the preferred customer treatment." The man withdrew a map and placed it upon the table. Then, with a flash a dagger appeared in his hand and he slammed it down into the map. "You'll find the king there. He keeps to the old fort to avoid prying eyes." A knowing smile crossed the rogues lips as he dipped his head to his latest customer.

After writing in her journal Louise spun around in her stool and hopped off lightly. Nodding appreciatively, he asked, "Did you focus on the speechcraft constellation?" If she did that was mistake, who needed those stars anyway?

Louise simply shook her head, "No, I'm just that much better than you." She wasn't about to choose her next constellation yet. Blocking, one-handed, and light armor were obvious, but she still felt she could focus on another without sacrificing specialization. It was strange, looking up at those stars... There was something more up there. Clearing her thoughts she smirked triumphantly as she passed the Dragonborn and made her way toward the door just as Tabitha finally pulled herself inside. "Come Tabitha, we have a new waypoint."

Tabitha stood stuck still as the Dragonborn followed after Louise. "I just got in..." Her soft words went unheard. With a sigh of reservation, Tabitha made about getting back through the door.

*****************

The three strolled out of town in their usual formation. Louise and the Dragonborn born up front bantering while Tabitha trailed behind under her burden. Yet now after travelling under the weight of her pack for so long Tabitha knew she could keep up just fine. In spite of this she still lagged behind, her eyes fixed on Louise's back. That comment about food back at the bar worried her. Tabitha had noticed signs that Louise was taking her imitation too far. Just what was Louise sacrificing to gain power. With a deep breath Tabitha resolved herself. It was that power that allowed Louise to save Tabitha and her mother, so she would do her best to support Louise.

Unaware of her loyal follower's thoughts, Louise turned and eyed the Dragonborn suspiciously. The big lug had not stopped grinning for some time now. "Why are you so happy?" She had expected him to pout about his speechcraft for far longer.

The Dragonborn's grin only grew as he held up a familiar looking pouch filled with jingling gold. "Guess what I got." He nearly sang mischievously as he shook the contents.

Recognition filled Louise's eyes. "My bribe!" She exclaimed with delight. Leaning in she returned her familiar's grin. "You _dog!_" She cheerfully jeered, then held out her hands expectantly.

The Dragonborn held the bag to his chest protectively. "No way, I stole it fairly. It's mine now." He danced away when Louise made a grab for the pouch.

Metal clanked as Louise chased the armored man around the road. "It was my bribe though. Give it back."

"No!"

"Give it!"

"Never!"

After several minutes of sprinting around in circles the two slowed to a stop. Panting, Louise mildly threatened, "Don't make me use my door opener."

The Dragonborn took a deep breath, recovering his stamina. "Please, I will shout that right out of your hands." The two playfully glared at each other. "Soooo... How about a bet? Winner take all?" He shook the bag.

Thinking for a moment, Louise cautiously nodded. "What did you have in mind?"

Making a show of thinking thoughtfully, the Dragonborn turned and pointed off into the distance. "How about a race to the waypoint? First one there wins." As usual he did a poor job of hiding his smirk.

Despite knowing the Dragonborn had something up his sleeve, Louise still accepted. "Deal. No using weapons though." Whenever that man held a weapon his familiar runes gave him ridiculous speed. It would just be unfair for her own magic to work against her. Without that advantage Louise was sure she could outpace the heavily armored man.

With nod and a smile, the Dragonborn readied himself to run. "On my mark." Louise stretched her limbs out and got settled into a running stance. "Mark!" The two were off in a flash, leaving a dumbstruck Tabitha behind to scurry after them. Step after step Louise fell in right beside the Dragonborn. How was this man keeping up in heavy armor?! Louise nearly slapped herself. She knew who she was dealing with. If he did not believe heavy armor would slow him down then it wouldn't. Even still, Louise wouldn't lose. As if to mirror her thoughts, the Dragnonborn slowed, his hand glowing. That... couldn't be good. Louise nearly tumbled when the Dragonborn held his hand forth, summoning dark flames before him. "Arvak!" He called, greeting his old friend. Louise nearly tumbled when she stopped to gawk at the sight. The Dragonborn was mounting the animated skeleton of a horse wreathed in purple flames.

Cloaked in wind, Tabitha leaped up and over the Dragonborn, sailing through the air before landing before Louise, ready to defend her master from the abomination. "That..." Louise uttered. Tabitha tensed. "No fair!" She called as the Dragonborn rode around them.

Cackling madly, the Dragonborn called. "Arvak isn't a weapon!" Waving to the two girls, the Dragonborn rode off toward victory. "Good luck without a mount!" His taunt delivered, the Dragonborn laughed along with Arvak's ghostly whinny.

Stomping frustration, Louise sighed and fell into a pout. That cheater. Before she could consider uttering any profanities she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning to Tabitha, Louise found a deeply compassionate smile waiting for her. Completely misreading Tabitha's worry, Louise nodded. "Thanks, but I really should have expected something like that from him." Placing her hand on Tabitha's, Louise missed the blush and looked up and beyond her familiar. "You moved pretty fast with that pack didn't you?..." A dangerous, frightening smile crept across Louise's face. Tabitha swallowed and tried to retract her hand; only to find it caught in Louise's grip.

*********************************

The Dragonborn had always been a cheating man. He'd cheated death at Helgen. He'd lost count of how many daedric lords he'd tricked into giving him their collectibles, er, artifacts. Heck, thievery was his favorite pass time. So using Avrak to win a race was just in his nature. He estimated that right about now Louise would be... right next to him?

Wait, what?

Blinking his eyes the Dragonborn checked to make sure what he was looking at was real. There to his right at eye level was Louise, crouching atop a brown pack. "Onward Tabitha!" The pinkette cried out to her mount. Looking down, the Dragonborn took in Louise's 'mount.' Wreathed in as much wind as her magic could maintain, Tabitha bounded across the plain like a deer. A deer with a massive pack of loot being used as an improvised saddle by a crazed mage.

A ghostly huff emanated from Avrak as he glared at the competition. Tabitha was stressed, conflicted, and all around exhausted but that did not stop her from pouring on a bit more speed in response to her fellow mount. She would not be outdone by some skin and bones horse (sans the skin even!)

Dew danced from the grass as the two figures raced faster and faster. Each pushing their mount as hard as they could. Around and over boulders, down hills, and through brush they charged. There! They could see the finish line! One hundred feet; they leaned forward. fifty feet; they grit their teeth. Ten feet; breath held they reached for victory.

The grass ruffled as the two mounts slid to a halt. Panting, Tabitha met Avrak's glare with her own cold gaze. Louise hopped off the pack/saddle and landed upon wobbly legs. After pausing a moment to steady herself, she turned to the unmounting Dragonborn, "So what, a tie?"

Nodding, the Dragonborn shrugged. "Guess so. Then what do we do with this?" Lifting the bag once more he shook it about.

Cupping her hand to her chin for a moment Louise thought aloud. "Well, we didn't do most of the work. In fact, someone worked really hard to be a real winner." A knowing smile upon her lips, Louise continued as Tabitha perked up. "I think its only fair that this special someone get the prize."

Thinking in an equally exaggerated fashion, the Dragonborn nodded. "A fine idea. Truly, such loyalty and diligence should be rewarded even if the reward is paltry gold." Tabitha tried to hide her growing blush. Sure she was in no need of gold, but for her efforts to be appreciated as such. She was still unused to such praise.

In unison Louise and the Dragonborn turned with brimming smiles. "Congratulations!" The called out at the top of their lungs, holding out the prize to Avrak.

Jaw hanging open, Tabitha watched with dumbstruck shame as Louise and the Dragonborn went about patting the skeletal horse and offering praise. "Way to go buddy. You won by a nose." The Dragonborn shoved the bag of coin into the horse's rib cage where it burst into ethereal flame and faded from existence. Was that horse... blushing? Tabitha was sure of it, the horse was blushing! Brimir damned horse! That was her prize!

Completely unaware of her followers growing despair, Louise thought out loud. "So why were we here again?" As if to answer her question the sky was split by lighting. Storm clouds gathered in the sky, stealing away the light. Lighting flashed again behind the massive decrepit stone fort behind them. An almost palpable aura of menace emanated from the eerie stone parapets. "Oh right!" Louise planted her fist in palm once she remembered.

A slight drizzle signaled the start of more showers to come. "Ugh, I hate rain..." The Dragonborn sighed put before looking to the skies in irritation. "_Lok Vah Kor!_" He shouted the storm away as one might shoo off a fly. Instantly the clouds parted and let the sun through once more. Birds began to sing and a rainbow briefly shone behind the vastly less intimidating fort. Sizing up his objective, the Dragonborn began to limber up in anticipation of a fight. "So, shall we?" He motioned with a flourished bow.

Before Louise could respond with enthusiasm, she felt Tabitha grab her shoulder. "Not Gallian architecture." The fort looked old, but she would have known of a foreign fort within her borders. Something did not smell right. "Trap." She cautioned.

Rather than responding to Tabitha's caution with any sane amount of sobriety, Louise's eyes lit up with excitement. "You think?" Turning to the Dragonborn she tensed with anticipation. "That could be fun!"

After chewing on the idea for a moment the Dragonborn found himself nodding alone. "It's a good twist alright." More than his anticipation of the quest the Dragonborn was proud that Louise was finally finding her love of quests. Loot, experience, and combat were all great side benefits of questing; but without love of the quest itself it was all for naught.

Tabitha's stress redoubled when she was forced to trail after her master. Traps should be avoided, not needlessly sprung. Still, this was just another bit of sanity sacrificed for Tabitha. She would just have to do her best to protect Louise.

The halls of the fort would have been a bit creepier if bright sunlight wasn't shining in through the windows. Three sets of footsteps plus one set of hoof-clops echoed off the walls as the group of four wound their way through the maze-like structure. "Hello?" Louise called out, failing to hide her excitement. "I sure hope nobody ambushes us! We should be _extra_ sneaky!" Her eyes darted about expectantly, completely unaware of Tabitha's deadpan stare.

When the four entered the center of a large lobby they looked about. Even in this grand room, from the railed walkway above to the vast empty landing they stood on, there was not a single decoration. It was _all_ bare stone. No art, no curtains, not even carpets. After a moment of waiting, Louise sighed. "Did we do something wrong? This all looks long since looted." She had been expecting more darn it.

Yet before the Dragonborn could return the sigh a multitude of voices cried out. "Ah ha! Surround em' boys!" Men poured out of the hallways, filing out and around the four. Clad in beaten leathers and hodgepodge armor, these sinister looking men fit the bandit stereotype to a tee. "You fools walked right into our-"

"Trap!" Louise interrupted excitedly even as twenty matchlock muskets were leveled at her.

Only slightly put off, the obvious bandit leader regained his momentum. "That's right girly. Now, fork over all the gold you got if you wanna live." He held out his hand as a sinister smile crept up his face. "Now don't do anything rash, you can't put a price on life." he eyes the armored man and the obvious magical familiar. One of these folks was a mage, but his men would open fire long before any incantation could be finished.

Furrowing his brow, the Dragonborn gave a pitying smile. "One thousand gold."

It was the leaders turn to furrow his brow. "You ain't bartering here buddy. You walk out of here with nothing but the your skivvies or you don't walk out at all." He readied his musket for any stupid heroism.

The Dragonborn simply shook his head, further pitying the man. "No, the price of a life is one thousand gold. At least that's what I have to pay when I murder someone."

All the eyes locked on the Dragonborn shone with a hint of fear at the dangerous sentence spoken completely frankly. All save Louise that is. "One thousand? Doesn't that seem low?" She wondered if she would ever get to see Skyrim.

The Dragonborn shrugged. "I don't make the rules. I just break them."

Not liking being disregarded, the lead bandit tensed and shouted. "Stop trying to stall! Your money now or we shoot!" All around his men took aim.

Louise smiled and looked down her nose at the man threatening her. "So what? Those old muskets wont kill me outright. Then I'll heal up and you'll all be dead." She rested her hand on the short sword strapped to her waist.

This girl thought she could take twenty musket shots and just shake it off?! She was likely the mage, no one else was that proud or stupid. "We will shoot you _in the head._" The leader gave her one last chance. Mage or not he did not want to kill a young girl if he could avoid it.

Tilting her head, Louise looked to the Dragonborn. "Should that matter?" Behind her Tabitha began to panic and prepare.

The Dragonborn's shoulders were beginning to ache from his many shrugs. "Not really. Why would getting shot in the head matter? Hell, they might miss aiming for that." Thinking back he smirked and turned to Louise. "I remember this one time I was fighting a mage and he put a icicle as big as my arm right through my head." Smiling fondly at the memory the Dragonborn chuckled and shook his head. "Idiot, using ice magic on a Nord. I murdered him good."

That was the last straw. The bandit leader knew he had given these dangerously insane buffoons enough slack. "Fire!" Twenty triggers were pulled and twenty match cords came snapping down. Yet twenty billows of smoke did not exude death upon their victims. Instead they found twenty bits of ice covering their powder produced by one significantly stressed Tabitha.

Surprised that the men fired so rashly, the Dragonborn turned back to the bandits. "So, are we done talking then? Cause Arvak only waits until-"

The blur of bone and fire rushing forth signaled that yes, the conversation was over. The three bipedal adventurers watched in mixed horror and amusement at the carnival of death being dealt out by the horse. "Oh god!" A bandit tried to run, only for his feet to be yanked out from under him. His fingers clawed at the ground as he was dragged back into the tornado of hooves. "That's not supposed to bend that way!" Another called in terror and pain.

"Wow." Louise uttered, unable to tear her eyes away.

Nodding in satisfaction, the Dragonborn pulled an apple from his pack and began to munch on it while he watched the spectacle. "Yup." Something better left censored flew across the room. "Arvak kept all his mercy in his flesh. Now all that's left is loyalty and bloodlust." Really, Arvak was a great horse. One of the best quest rewards he'd ever recieved.

A man came running from his death and clung to the Dragonborn, his eyes begging for mercy. "Please help me!" Desperation cracked the man's voice.

Then, just as Arvak's teeth closed around the man's shirt to pull him back the Dragonborn looked down with cold eyes. "Neigh." He denied and the man was pulled away, never to be heard from again.

Louise's palm found her face. "Really? Puns?" This familiar of hers... by the founder.

Crossing his arms, the Dragonborn turned away. "I like them." His childish pout was mostly overshadowed by the death scream in the background. Signalling the last to fall before Arvak. The murder-horse trotted back cheerfully, his task done.

Exactly what Arvak left behind will not be described for the sake of our younger readers.

Holding out his apple core, The Dragonborn fed his faithful steed. Furrowing her brow at the action, Louise thought for a moment before slapping her face once more. A skeleton of an apple for a skeleton of a horse. This familiar and his sense of humor.

Cracking her neck, Louise got down to business looting the corpses and was quickly joined by the Dragonborn. "Hold this." Louise absentmindedly said a she stuffed more and more bloodied armor and weapons into Tabitha's pack. Already exhausted from running for so long and performing a triangle class ice spell Tabitha could feel her strength leaving her, but she held fast even as the Dragonborn stuffed a bundle of muskets into her ever expanding pack.

Once all the loot was safely tucked away, Louise planted her hands on her hips and looked proudly upon her ailing follower. It was a good haul to be sure, still she was slightly saddened. "Still no new sword." She wistfully declared. This old one was going to have to do for a while longer.

"That," A new voice declared, drawing Louise's attention to the railing of the second floor. "Is the least of your worries." A cloaked woman stood wand at the ready, her face shrouded in the shadows of her hood. Or would have been if the sun wasn't shining brilliantly through the windows.

Squinting, Louise made out the face of the woman. "Miss Longueville?" She didn't quite believe her eyes. "Why is a secretary out here..." No... that wasn't right. Something at the back of Louise's mind was fighting against the notion of Miss Longueville.

The cloaked woman smirked. "Ah, so much for that." Pulling her hood down, she smiled full of victory. Said smile was diminished by the bags hanging under her weary, crazed eyes. "Miss Longueville was always a detestable alias. Do you want to know who I really am?"

That was it, Louise realized. The name was what was wrong. this woman's name was... Her name was... "Matilda?" She guessed.

Matilda missed a step and nearly tripped. "How the hell?" Then, quickly recovering she relied, "My name is Fouquet of the Crumbling Earth!" Despite that Louise clearly read Matilda. Weird. Continuing before the subject of her true name could be pressed, Fouquet explained, "I am the greatest thief in the world. Fouquet." At the Dragonborn's scoff she turned her hate filled eyes on him. "And you stole _my_ mark: The Staff of Destruction." She bean to pace, her eyes never leaving the Dragonborn. "I knew you were good so I followed you. I watched you. I put every bit of my information network to the task of ensnaring you in this," She gestured all around, "perfect trap." Pointing to the ground before her enemy, she commanded. "Now place the staff there, leave, and know that I am the better thief. If you don't I will kill all of you and enjoy _every_ moment of it." The woman's smile begged the Dragonborn to deny choose the second option.

Something he was happy to do, muffling a laugh as he did. "Lady, I don't know what you are going on about, but did you see what my _horse_ did to your men." He pointed to the pile of unmentionable gore pretty flowers.

Fouquet's crazed eyes gleamed. "Oh, they served their purpose. I just needed to keep you in one place long enough to concentrate all the willpower I've been pouring into this castle for weeks to this room." She gestured about. "You are in the middle of my first square class spell." With cruelty leaked from her soul into her voice, "So I can do things like_this._" With but a flick of her hand the stone beneath Arvak shot up and pierced straight through the ghostly horse clean through. The horse barely had a chance to cry out before the same magic that summoned it appeared to erase it.

The Dragonborn merely quirked an eyebrow. "So? I'll just summon him again." Really, this lady was crazy stupid, not crazy dangerous. A very important distinction.

Unlike the Dragonborn, Tabitha was not about to underestimate the new enemy. She tensed, readying herself to fight. Something Fouquet did not miss. "Fine then." With another flick of her wand she commanded the earth once more.

In the instant it took Tabitha to recognize she needed to dodge, the earth below her had already formed a spike and driven through her heart. "Urhhhh..." She tried to cry in pain, but only a strangled deflating breath escaped her lips. This was? She looked to her red hand in wonder as her vision swam and her knees buckled.

Time crawled by as Tabitha fell. Louise slid underneath her, catching the girl in her arms. Her anguished cry was muffled to Tabitha's failing ears. The warmth leaked from her body and her mind clung futilely to the vision of Louise leaning over her. She couldn't leave Louise. Not yet. Not now...

Looking down upon those she hated, Fouquet gestured threateningly to where Louise knelt. "One more chance before I kill again Mr. Second Best." She knew this man's power, but that was all for naught when she held his master's life in the palm of her hand. All this time of stalking and planning, it had finally paid off. this is why _she_was the best. Not this buffoon.

Said buffoon simply smirked and shook his head. "Two things. First," he jutted his thumb toward the ailing pack mule. "She's essential. And two," He let out a long breath, feeling sorry for the woman before him. "You are really underestimating how much we've grinded Louise's magic." Suddenly Fouquet worried she was focusing on the wrong threat.

Burning rage filled Louise as she looked down on Tabitha. This was _not _okay! Whatever rules she needed to break, change, or altogether ignore she would. But for now, now she would deal with the immediate problem. Louise looked up to the stars, completely ignoring the ceiling in the way. She found what she was looking for as if it had always been there. A constellation that wasn't. A great emptiness filled with the hungry voids left behind by dead stars. This was _her_ constellation. She poured all her soul into it, every thing she had held back before was forced into this new constellation.

Laying Tabitha down, Louise turned to Fouquet. Her eyes met the hesitating gaze of the green haired woman. Fouquet flicked her wand the instant Louise gripped her own with both hands. Earth sprang up, but was instantly eaten by the flaring power emanating from Louise's wand. Pure power pulsated at the end on Louise's wand, consuming the air around it, the magic in the stone, and the very fabric of reality. "Explosion!" Louise named her spell's form.

The resulting flash of white crushed through stone and magic like so much tissue. The earth was torn asunder, the air screamed its last, and the Dragonborn cried out, "Awesome!" Even as a boulder half the size of a horse collided with his gut.

It took longer for Louise to catch her breath in the settling dust of the obliterated castle than it took for her to level said castle. Looking about the newly created wasteland of rubble, Louise found nothing left standing to destroy. Rubble shifted about, drawing Louise's attention to where the Dragonborn popped out from underneath a boulder. "By Talos Louise, getting into the quest is one thing, but you do know Tabitha is essential right?"

Louise failed to imitate her familiar's usual enthusiasm. Looking down to Tabitha, Louise tracked the girl's shallow breaths. "Yes... She is very important." Brimir damn it, she had gained this power to protect people she loved.

A gauntlet rested on Louise's head and ruffled her hair. "Idiot. She's not important." Before Louise could spin angrily on the man he continued, "She's _essential._" Hope ignited in the Louise's heart. "Now, I'm guessing from your reaction that Halkeginia fails in this respect as well, but people important to quest-lines can't die." He shook his head in disgust. "Seriously, you people don't even properly follow the laws of nature right. How many of your great tales ended because some quest giver kicked the bucket?" Ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous.

Louise needed no convincing to pour all her being into believing the Dragonborn's words. Sure enough as she looked down on Tabitha the girl continued to breath despite having stone right through her heart. Tabitha's eyes fluttered open full of confusion. How was she still alive. Any attempt to look to her wounds was stopped when Louise pulled Tabitha's head to her bosom, locking her follower in an embrace. "You are not allowed to die. That's an order." Louise commanded stubbornly.

The sound of rubble shifting drew Louise's attention from Tabaitha to where Fouquet had just finished digging herself free. "You..." Fouquet uttered in anger, raising her wand. "This earth is still _my earth. _This changes nothing!" Tabitha looked up to Louise as her master stared off toward the enemy.

Rolling his eyes, the Dragonborn decided enough was enough. "_Zun Haal Viik!_" At his command reality obeyed and Fouquet's wand was wrenched from her hand. Staring dumbstruck at her empty hand, Fouquet felt fear well up inside her. Said fear redoubled when the Dragonborn place his elbow on her shoulder and leaned against her. His eyes looking to the empty hand Fouquet was so interested in, the Dragonborn smirked with pity and said, "You know, if it was anybody else I'd have murdered them good right about now." Fouquet gulped and failed to work up the courage to turn her head to the man. "But you are a thief who takes pride in your work. I can respect that. So, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do." Pushing off the woman, the Dragonborn strolled forward and spun on his heel to face Fouquet. "Your problem is you tried to prove you are the best thief by fighting me. You should have done it by_stealing_ from me." He shook his head sadly. He understood the impulse; hell, whenever he was noticed on a stealth mission he had the terrible habit of murdering everything in sight. Not exactly stealthy. "So lets resolve this like respectable thieves. First one to steal everything the other has is the better thief. You win you get your staff and I don't murder you. I win and your life is mine." Danger gleamed in the Dragonborn's eyes.

As the alternative was death, Fouquet could only nod in agreement. She was well versed in magical and mundane methods of stealing. She just had to keep this man in sight, maybe wait for him to sleep... Why was he crouching? Suddenly Fouquet felt a draft. Confused, she looked down to see no robe. No, gone was her cloak, her robe, her pouches and even her shoes. "How..." She uttered just as she started to realize she was now standing in just her undergarments. "What!" She shrieked in embarrassment, futilely covering herself with her arms as the Dragonborn dropped all her possessions on the ground before her and held up his hands in victory.

Looking around at a nonexistent crowd, the Dragonborn nodded satisfactory in approval of his magnificence. "And once again I am the undisputed best thief in any world!" Turning back to Fouquet, the dangerous gleam returned to his eyes.

If anything, Fouquet could face death with some dignity. This man had shamed her in every way. her guile, her magic, and even her mundane skills had failed in the face of this affront to reason. "Just let me finish dressing, let me at least die clothed." She sighed, pulling on her robe.

When Fouquet pulled her head through her hood she found not a bare blade waiting for her, but a confused looking Dragonborn. "Why would I kill you? I'm making you my follower. Your life is mine now." Stunned, Fouquet could not believe how easily this man was forgiving her for trying to rob and kill him. "It has been really fun training Louise, but she has no interest in thievery. So I figured I'd try that with you." He planning to _teach _her? This paragon of thieves? Fouquet couldn't believe it, but she was actually feeling hope blossom. "First things first though, you took _way_ to long to put on your clothes. Next time try for half a second, tops." He trailed off, mentally mapping out how he would teach his new follower.

Still surprised that she had kept her neck, Fouquet nodded mutely. "Just let me get my wand and..." She spotted where her wand fell, or rather where Louise had picked it up and was waving it around with a big grin. Holding out her hand, Fouquet asked, "Could I get that back?" She tried to keep her tone polite with the girl who apparently could level castles at will.

Louise childishly held the wand to her chest. "This is mine now." There were some awesome bonuses on the wand, no way was Louise giving up her first real good loot.

Now, Fouquet had stolen that wand from Tristain's greatest wand maker and she was rather fond of it; but not fond enough to argue with the castle-buster though. She had a spare anyways. Turning back to the Dragonborn she noticed a dangerous gleam once again hiding in the man's eyes. "Now," he began with a smile creeping up his face, "we can talk about using that information network of yours later. First thing on the agenda is testing a theory." Feeling fear creep up her her spine, Fouquet gulped. "It is my understanding you Halkeginian followers double as mounts..."

************************

Tabitha sat atop a massive stone golem. Each step of the great construct shook the earth with low crashing rumble. Then the slow arcing feeling would fill her stomach as the golem's shoulder slowly sailed forward. Turning to her left, Tabitha looked to the stressed Fouquet. "You tried to kill me." Tabitha stated plainly.

Fouquet turned and met eyes with the girl whose heart she had pierced, "I blame him." She glanced up to the top of Tabitha's pack where Louise and the Dragonborn sat, arms in the air.

"Whoooooo!"

"Weeeeeee!"

Tabitha glanced up, then back to Fouquet. After a moment she nodded in acceptance, "Fair enough."

*******************************

A/N: I _do _like puns. It behooves any reader of mine to laugh at the Dragonborn's pun until your throat turns horse.

Also yes, Louise's void perk tree is a bunch of black holes. It felt apt.


	11. Chapter 11: Mara was Holding Out

Chapter 11: Mara was Holding Out

"Faster!" The Dragonborn shouted, his voice echoing off the trees of the forest. Fouquet's clothing was launched skyward as she tossed everything she could from her body. Robe, shirt, pants, shoes and socks sailed high into the air. Naked save for her undergarments, Fouquet focused on the clothing as it reached the apex of her toss. "Redress!" At the Dragonborn's command Fouquet's hands shot out like lightning. Clothing disappeared in a blur and was upon her body faster than the eye could see.

Panting, Fouquet looked upon her trainer's stern face for approval. "How... was... that...?" Deep gulps of breath did little to ease her exhaustion, but were cherished none-the-less.

Taking a breath, the Dragonborn nodded sagely, "You are getting better, but you still have a ways to go. I don't even want to see the blur of your arms. Instant off, instant on." In example the Dragonborn removed his armor. One moment he was fully armored, the next he stood in his underwear. Then, faster than one could blink, he was armored again.

Gawking at the man, Fouquet exclaimed, "How is that even possible!?" Shaking her head, Fouquet held out her hands in exasperation, "Why would I even- how is that even related to thievery!?" He hadn't even moved! She was sure of it!

After a deep breath and a nod to make himself look sagely, the Dragonborn raised a finger and pointed to Fouquet, "If you can't strip yourself, how can you expect to strip others?" Really, he was the one teaching her from the ground up. It wasn't his fault she didn't know the basics.

Louise watched with mild interest and amusement as Fouquet and her familiar continually stripped and redressed. Next to her Tabitha stirred a pot of stew over a low fire. As soon as Louise's nose caught the scent of rabbit her stomach growled a plea for mercy. Though she ignored said stomach, her attention did drift over to Tabitha when the girl offered Louise a bowl. "No thank you Tabitha, I'm not injured." Again her stomach growled, its plea more desperate than ever.

Tabitha's stress grew all the more in the face of Louise's refusal of food. Still, this wouldn't stop her. It was well within her ability to fight fire with fire, or in this case crazy with crazy. Carefully setting the bowl down, Tabitha retrieved her staff from where it lay next to her and turned a deadly serious gaze on Louise.

The moment it took for Louise to notice Tabitha bringing her staff back was not enough for her to prepare for the strike. Louise's lip split under the impact of Tabitha's crooked wooden staff and the pinkette tumbled back onto the forest floor. "Ow!" Louise cried, hand flying to her pained face. "What was that for?!"

Cracking her eye open, Louise found Tabitha holding a bowl of food before her face. "Training to take a hit. Now eat to heal." Not giving Louise a chance to decline, Tabitha left the bowl on her chest.

Carefully sitting up, Louise pondered for a moment. Then after a moment her face lit up, "Excellent idea Tabitha! I really should max out light armor." Greedily consuming the bowl of stew, Louise felt the pain on her lip fade as the wound closed.

Taking a bowl for herself, Tabitha allowed herself a sigh of relief and dug into the food. Said relief was short lived when Louise placed her staff back in her lap and handed her an empty bowl. With dread in her heart, Tabitha turned to find Louise leaning forward with her chin out waiting for another staff strike. "Let me finish..." Tabitha stalled and began to eat her food much, much slower.

"I been looking for you. Got something I'm supposed to deliver. Your hands only."

Four sets of eyes turned to where a man in simple rustic clothing stood next to the Dragonborn. Without any fanfare the man handed the Dragonborn a letter, turned around, and ran away. "What..." The Dragonborn furrowed his brow, those clothes weren't of Halkeginian make. And he recognized that face...! "How in Oblivion did you get here?!" He called after the fleeing man, yet the courier was nowhere to be found. When the others turned their gazes upon him the Dragonborn just shook his head. This wasn't the first time he suspect the courier order of some strange magic. Just how else could they always find him?

Fouquet regained her breath and decided to move beyond the odd outburst.  
"What does it say?" She inquired more out of seeking a brief respite than true curiosity.

Opening the letter, the Dragonborn waited for the three ladies to get close before he read aloud:

"Dear Mr. Dragonborn,

I know you may not remember me. My name is Siesta. I was a maid back at the Magic Academy. I know it is much to ask, but I have no one else to turn to. When you helped me back at the academy you said you helped with problems both big and small. So I am asking, pleading for help now. My contract was bought by Count Mott and I am to be taken to his estate. Please sir, I fear he will take my chastity. I know it is foolish, but please save me.

Siesta of Tarbes"

The three ladies let out varying gasps of sympathy. Fouquet clenched her fist, "I know of Count Mott; the maid's fears are well founded."

Louise agreed, "Fiends like that don't deserve the air they breathe." Just because she had substituted her familiar's rules for her own did not mean she had lost her sympathy.

Tabitha nodded and tapped her staff upon the ground soundly, "Vile filth." Those who lorded their power over others were the lowest of the low.

Eyes shifting between the others, the Dragonborn hoped the sweat on his brow wasn't visible, "Riiiiight... He might take her chastity and that would be..." He searched the expressions of the assembled ladies. "Bad?" Three confused looks fell upon him. "Cause like, no one wants their chastity stolen... I mean master thieves like Fouquet and me have probably stolen a few?" When those confused expressions turned to revulsion he quickly continued, "I mean we would have if we were absolutely evil thieves...?" Nods of agreement met this train of reasoning, relieving the poor man. "So like murder, a righteous thief would abstain from stealing chastities?" A weak laugh emanated from the Dragonborn's throat as he pitifully tried to hide his frayed nerves.

Quirking an eyebrow, Louise measured her familiar, "Do you not know what chastity is?"

The forced laugh the Dragonborn let loose shook the trees with its volume, "What? Of course I know! Haha? How could I not know. I mean like, everyone knows what that is." Tossing the letter aside, he pulled out his notebook and jotted down the quest. "Now, lets go save Siesta!" Without even waiting for a reply, he darted off toward the waypoint.

Raising her hand after the man, Fouquet weakly asked, "But weren't we waiting for my information network to locate Joseph?" It wasn't like she had dead drops everywhere.

Already running after her familiar, Louise called out in excitement. "Wooo! Sidequest!" Fouquet's expression only filled with more confusion as she stared after the two.

Tabitha Offered a shrug to the older woman, "Just follow." Her advice offered, Tabitha trotted off after her charge. At least this was better than being left in a tower. 

* * *

Mott had been having a good morning. Had being the operative word mind you. It had started well. A new beautiful maid was on the way, he had reviewed his vast treasury, and the yearly report showed his fief's harvest had been fruitful. Now though, now he was sure something was wrong as he walked through his mansion. Twice he could have sworn he saw someone in the shadows. Some form scurrying just beyond his vision. Convincing himself to relax, he made his way to the grand hall. This wasn't like him, jumping at every shadow before it was even noon. He was a mage for Brimir's sake!

Though Mott hoped the brightly lit grand hall would help ease his nerves it ended up having the opposite effect. When he arrived he found not the various art adorning his walls nor the golden centerpieces that decorated his grand table. No he found it stripped bare of any and all valuables. Even the plates were missing! "Guards!" He called whirling to look for anything or anyone.

Mott's desperate call echoed vainly through the silent mansion. When he heard no sounds of running guards Mott felt a pit grow in his stomach. That pit doubled in size when figures darted through the shadows on the edge of his vision. He had seen something! He knew it. Peering to the rows of columns that lined the edge of his grand hall, Mott looked for any movement. Straining his senses, he readied himself for anything. _There! _He heard the soft sound of a footstep and whirled.

Giant shadow behind Mott stunned him until he realized just what it was. A tiny blue haired girl slowly put one foot in front of the other. The massive pack on her back filled with Mott's possessions weighed down on her, slowing her to a crawl.

Just as his initial fear turned to confusion, that confusion turned to ire when Mott noticed his golden sculptures peeking out from the strained seams of the girl's pack. Mot's hand flew to his wand, but grasped nothing. Mott patted his pockets in desperate hope, but both his wand and his backup where no where to be found. "What in Brimir's name?!" He cried in surprise as a shadow scuttled past him.

Shuffling along the floor in a crouch, Fouquet paid no mind to the weaponless Mott as she tossed his wands into Tabitha's pack. "I am a thief GODDESS!" She called out at the top of her lungs. Stealth be damned this was amazing! With her magic to bypass enchantments and the Dragonborn's training to bring her to superhuman thieving levels, she was unstoppable!

Tabitha's pleading eyes were disregarded by all when the Dragonborn and Louise appeared to stuff various plates and silverware into her pack. Louise smiled broadly as she looked up and down the pack; her proud warmth buoying Tabitha's waning heart and stifling any thought of protest. In contrast to Louise the Dragonborn looked upon the pack with mild resignation, "That's the last of it." The discontent of not finding his objective bothered him to no end. These rare waypointless quests were novel sure, but he absolutely hated being stumped.

Impotent rage swelled within Count Mott, it was time to teach these ruffians thier place. He stamped his foot with all the strength he could muster and shouted at the top of his lungs, "Do you have _any _idea who I am?!" Somewhere in the back of his mind a voice screamed a warning that he should recognize the ebony armor and pink hair, but he was far to enraged to pay it any mind. "I am a _Count_! I'll have you lot hung for this!" He would see the life drain from their fading eyes, listen to their pleas with a smile, and sentence them to death without mercy. Those who didn't know their place deserved no less. Why he would... Mott's ire faded as the man in ebony armor stepped forward; his great form casting Mott completely within his shadow.

Eyes gleaming with murderous intent, the Dragonborn reached forward and grabbed Mott by the collar. Lifting the rotund man up with one hand, the Dragonborn pulled his prey close to his face. For once it was easy to get into the speechcraft check. All he had to do was direct all his frustration upon his captive. Voice gravelly from barely restrained murderous intent, the Dragonborn demanded an answer, "Where is Siesta's chastity?" The paling Count Mott hesitated, confusion leaking into his expression. "Playing dumb eh?" Completely misreading Mott, the Dragonborn threw the Count to the floor. "We scoured every inch of your estate." He strode after Mott as the man crawled frantically backward. "We stole absolutely everything, but I couldn't find any chastities. NOT ONE!" He had read everything _twice_ just to be sure. Reaching down, the Dragonborn grabbed Mott's robe and tore it off. He had already checked Mott's inventory but he might as well be sure. "If you don't tell me where you hid Siesta's chastity I'll take yours instead!" Hopefully the maid would accept a suitable replacement. Pulling the man's possessions free, the Dragonborn left the Cowering Mott naked save for his underwear.

"Kyyyyaaaaaa!~" Mott cried in fear as tears welled up in his eyes.

All three women once again found themselves standing in a line puzzling out the Dragonborn's actions. Seeing the apparent lusting of the Dragonborn, Fouquet was surprised to find herself disappointing. "Er..." her voice left her throat unbidden, calling the Dragonborn's attention away from the cowering Mott. Now that she had his attention Fouquet couldn't simply blow it off. "So... you are into men?" She averted her gaze in embarrassment and dejection.

Tilting his head to the side, the Dragonborn furrowed his brow in contemplation. "What do you mean?" The Dragonborn tossed Mott's robes into Tabitha's pack absentmindedly as he tried to figure out just what to Halkeginain was getting at.

Knowing that being direct was the best way to cross the cultural barrier, Louise interjected. "She means that you prefer to lay with a man rather than a woman." As much as she followed the Dragonborn's ways, a taboo such as this sent Louise's heart fluttering.

Still tilting his head, the Dragonborn smiled, "Louise, you know I don't bother with sleeping." His patronizing tone was lost on the flustered girl.

Tabitha would have adjusted her glasses if she was occupying her whole body with standing under the ridiculous weight of her pack. "Marriage to another man." She pointed out.

Now the Dragonborn was get impatient. These Halkeginians could be so troublesome when the cultural barrier got raised. "As opposed to...?" He trailed off in his infinite patience with the backwards people.

"A woman." Tabitha stated plainly.

Crossing his arms, the Dragonborn raised his eyebrows. Turning to Mott, he made sure the man wasn't running before returning his gaze to his compatriots. "Why should that matter?" He paused, trying his best to comprehend such an odd rule as a ban on same-sex marriage. "Like... at all?" Shaking his head, the Dragonborn held his hand in gesture to Louise and Tabitha. "Aren't you two going to get married? With the way you carry on I figured it was just a matter of time until one of you threw an amulet on." He tossed his Amulet of Mara over to Louise with a wink.

The two girls blushed profusely and Louise as quick to interject. "No priest in Halkeginia would marry two women. The founder's holy text forbids it." It wasn't that she didn't care for Tabitha, but... Why was her heart fluttering so?

Flustered as well, Tabitha relied on hard logic to ground her and offered her explanation to the still confused Dragonborn. "Likely made due to reproduction..." The man furrowed his brow at the word, "Children." Tabitha stated plainly.

"Ah, Children." The Dragonborn smiled wistfully, "One of life's great mysteries. Where do they come from? Why are they immortal? Some questions might never be answered." Under dumbstruck looks of the Halkeginians the Dragonborn scratched the back of his head. "My wife and I were going to adopt an unclaimed one, but then I lost her." He looked off into the distance, pondering what could have been.

Raising her hand to interject, Fouquet said plainly, "Just to clarify: You don't know where children come from and you don't know what chastity is. Are you a virgin?" A paragon of manly thievery like this, Fouquet had just assumed...

Sweating nervously, the Dragonborn averted his gaze. "Er... Of course I know what chastity is, but maybe you should tell me to prove you know what it is to. Same thing with that virgin thing, just to be sure." He laughed weakly, terribly hiding his ignorance. Then he realized he had missed something in his embarrassment. Turning his gaze back on Fouquet, the Dragonborn asked, "Wait, you know where children come from?"

A sly smile crept across Fouquet's face as she took the Dragonborn's hand in her own. "You know, I've been thinking of a suitable way to repay you for everything." She began to lead the man back to the master bedroom. "I'll teach you, but we'll need some privacy..." She trailed off before confirming. "You have no objections to women?" At his furrowed brow she smiled with a predatory gaze, "Good..."

Louise and Tabitha battled over who could blush deeper as they watched Fouquet lead the Dragonborn away. Louise found herself shifting in anxiety. Before her was a naked and crying Count Mott, the Dragonborn was off doing Brimir knows what, and she was left alone with Tabitha. A girl whom she was having very confusing thoughts about.

For her part, Tabitha found one subject she could broach to break the tension. They needed to get rid of some of the crap in her pack. "So-"

Tabitha's attempt at conversation was shattered when the Dragonborn's great shout filled the manor with excitement, surprise, wonder, and just a hint of fear. "UNDERWEAR COMES OFF?!"

********************************************************


End file.
